Unwanted Child (SS verse)

[Johnny 6-feet]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=221957

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=221918



Unwanted Child

The view focuses on a place where a society’s martyr vents
A scene of human suffering, a domestic argument

The husband screams in his fury, accusing her of unfaithfulness
Her tears fall puddle deep at his assault, she’s hating this
Clutching her womb protectively, still claiming innocence
Knowing the child couldn’t be his, praying for deliverance
They would’ve called it a ‘low sperm count’ in an advanced society
And she couldn’t try and plea, although she tried tirelessly
The truth was, she’d had a visitor 2 months ago
And he’d raped her somehow without pain, and now this lump grows
The man claimed he was a messenger, who fought through the rain
Now her husband Joe cries, she knows all he brought her was pain
He sobs “Get rid of it.” She cries in horror, people wouldn’t accept it
Abortion isn’t an option in their country, life: they respect it
And divorce is a social stigma; they’re trapped in a maze
And his resentment will last for days; she stays slapped by his gaze
How could she tell him the truth? It stays harboured, so odd
The messenger was an Angel… and the father was God


:yes:

[Issue]

Man, first off, your opening bar and your closing lines were so fucking good, the twist was crazy played and you showed it greatly. I think you lost me in the middle somewhere though, but the ending more than made up for it. You had decent multis and as usual, brilliant vocab. Your flow is direct and smooth, an easy read so it came across well. Your structure is always more story based, which creates the impact so once again you came good with that, more props to you. The topic was well sprinkled around, you handle these well, always coming creative and innovatively with what you're given, a true writer, great work.

Upppp'n for Def poets...

[JAY-BROOK]

Man, first off, your opening bar and your closing lines were so fucking good, the twist was crazy played and you showed it greatly. I think you lost me in the middle somewhere though, but the ending more than made up for it. You had decent multis and as usual, brilliant vocab. Your flow is direct and smooth, an easy read so it came across well. Your structure is always more story based, which creates the impact so once again you came good with that, more props to you. The topic was well sprinkled around, you handle these well, always coming creative and innovatively with what you're given, a true writer, great work.

Upppp'n for Def poets...

EXACTLY HOW I FEEL YA VRESE WAS REAL GOOD KEEP IT UP YOU ARE A GOOD WRITER KEEP ON WRITING EXCELLENT VERSE GOOD WORDING GOOD STRUCTURE GOOD OPENER AND CLOSER NICE PIEACE OF WORK

[sILLable]

well.......................................WOW!!!. ..very dope...very descriptive...opener..ill....ending..very ill...i loved the ending...your vocab and wordplay were beyond dope.....your imagery and emotion...ther ten fold....everyaspect was pretty much ill in this piece..keep droppin tha hottness.~1~