emotionally disturbed by vafinest

[.Silence.]

emotionally,flowin through the ocean of hoping..
to get my things straight and to get my mind opened..
to bigger and better things not thinkin bout the streets..
cuz I think thats one thing that got my mind mentally..
shatteren,and blistering evry brain cell..
if you were in my shoes you would be in hell..
my brother snortin coke,and my sister smokin crack..
it had emotionally disturbed me,I don't even know where I'm at..
in a deep dark dream,following through the shadows..
is there angels out there that can take me in there hands too..
cuz my lifes screwed up,I had learned the hard way..
my second year in 9th grade,I got shot one day..
cuz I was hustlin the green,and the snow white..
I got shot more than 50 cent,I thought I was gonna die..
Then god said to me,"I'm gonna give you one life,and thats
to your destiny where you will live right"
and then I woke up straight out of a coma..
and my mom told me,"god had just talked to you"..
I said,"he really did,I'm just gonna stick to music"..
and my mom said,"thats a good thing for remediation"..
and now I stand here with christ in my hand..
on these streets of norfolk where times get tuff..
we got bloods and crips fuckin each other up..
and I just learned that crime don't pay..
so hopefully I'll get out of this world one day..

heres my links where I left feed back
http://www.rapbatlles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182920
http://www.rapbatlles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=173111

[rile1]

damn man.....I think it would sound so much better as a topical cuz sometime u didnt end with rhymes but other than that it was cool I like the emotion and imagery but again I think it would sound so much better as an audio so keep me updated on if thats gonna be somewhere..overall: 7/10 cuz u didnt really make the strcutre/rhyme scheme well and it jsut seems more like an audio...please leave some feed on mines man

[sILLable]

yea your rhyme scheme was kinda off...pointless multis and what not cause there is no organized topic..either way...shouldve had a topic...that would have been tighter....keep elevatin and droppin.~1~

[.Silence.]

thanks for the feedback

[}{emIstIc)-(]

aight nigga dat shit was tight u got 2 elevate hommey....ya rhyme scheme was a lil off...some of da lines werent rhymein afta like 2 but in all ya shit was good
gotta work alil on da rhyme scheme an multis u feel me

[Night_Walker]

this was a good open mic the structure could've been slightly betta but the story telling and flow was ight but overall this was a very good open mic keep up the good work yo

[.Silence.]

thanks for the feed back

[SunSpit]

Yo nice drop. I was feelin some emotion comin outta dat. Nice vocabulary. Juss work on da rhymes and flow on diz it would b good. Nice drop. Keep em comin.

[McSin]

Flow: 6/10
multis: 4/10
Rhyme Scheme: 5/10
OverAll: 5/10

[.Silence.]

thanks for the feedback

[.Silence.]

uppin for feedback

[lyrically_insane]

good open mic homie, but word at it shoulda having a specific topic. you got skills to write dope topikals i see it man, potential in you...overall this flowed nicely i liked the multies in there but elevate and yuoll be doper than some topical writers homie!..overall...8/10

[.Silence.]

thanks for the feed back

[southsideloco]

yo homie...nice drop, really like the emotion put in. Like everyone else said it did need a little work on the strucuture and rhyme scheme, but it still sounded and flowed rather well. Also it would've helped if you had definite topic. Had a nice choice of vocab. All i can say is keep flowin and droppin ur pieces...hope to read some more homie.

Be EaZy

ps-Check out my OM and tell me what you think.

[wyte boy$]

my dawg killed it............
everything was nice..........nice topic
keep droppin ...............