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Thread: Last Breath (battle ishy)

  1. August 9th, 2005, 08:41 AM #16
    Drama Queen
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    Nice piece right here...

    Loving the concept you went with, you hardly see stuff like this written by guys because it's usually the girls who use these kind of topics. The emotion must be the best aspect of your piece because it was pure and serene yet powerful at the same time. The imagery was excellent, I could picture everything perfectly inside my mind throughout the wordings you used. The vocab was on point: not too basic, not too complex either. Had a sort of poetic vibe over it as well which I definitely liked!

    Very good, keep at it...



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    Odi et Amo

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  2. August 16th, 2005, 08:23 PM #17
    Incineratedrose
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    Im in the mood to bump

    MondoThugs.

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  3. August 16th, 2005, 09:22 PM #18
    Haywood Jewblomi
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    This was a good piece. Flowed well, and had some superb imagery. The vocab wasn't over the top, but still fitted the piece. Could have maybe have done with more complexity within the structure, but that's not too much of a problem here. You tackled a good topic very well, and had me guessing where you were going at first.

    This was very nice in all. Everything came together well to make a nice piece.

    Can you do me a favour and leave feedback on the Open Mic in my sig? I'd greatly appreciate it.
    I'm surprised they didn't delete me ages ago...
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  4. August 16th, 2005, 09:51 PM #19
    :.Apollo.:
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    damn.... deff. and ill peace.... really enjoyed reading it...
    Can't relly critique nothing like that....
    very nice drop...1
    :.Apollo .:
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  5. August 17th, 2005, 01:45 AM #20
    Incineratedrose
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    ^didnt you leave feed on the first page? lol.
    MondoThugs.

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  6. August 17th, 2005, 02:07 AM #21
    Moral
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    Really Good Man I've Got A Kid Well Two Kid's So I Know This Piece Was Decent Here. You Had Good Vocabulary I Mean Really When You Have Vocabulary You Really Put Thought Into Your Piece Big Words Don't Mean Nothing It's The Way You Word It That Shows. Structure Was Good Man Really Hoping To See More From You Man Keep This Up.

    -Moral
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  7. August 17th, 2005, 07:10 PM #22
    Incineratedrose
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    wordness @ big words not meaning much if the heart isnt there.
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  8. August 17th, 2005, 07:39 PM #23
    Spoken Deity
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    the imagry is what kept this going. as always, great imagry.I thought you vocab was weak. I bet you didnt take much time to write this. It seems that way from the other shit of yours ive read. but anyway, the structure was fine and so was flow but your imagry was flawless. you describ everything with the words of a poet which create a clear image in my head. I felt that your rhyme scheme was your only downfall...
    hit my link plz
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  9. August 17th, 2005, 08:37 PM #24
    Incineratedrose
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    Yeah, was like a 10 minny quicky.. Cuz i had nothing else to do.
    MondoThugs.

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  10. August 17th, 2005, 10:14 PM #25
    MakeShyft
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    This was tight. Sometimes it felt forced, like the navy line.. that was forced like shit to me. but, the rest of the stroy wuz good, soliud emotion and rhym sheme. I liked how the imagry was persistant, and there was no part that really lacked it.
    Good piece, Peace.

    RTF |The, Fatass|
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  11. August 17th, 2005, 11:24 PM #26
    Incineratedrose
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    The Fatass? Lol, wtf.
    MondoThugs.

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  12. August 17th, 2005, 11:46 PM #27
    Charlie~Manson
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    this was real hot man the imagery was there i could picture the woman on the hospital bed and shit the story was real deep and it didnt feel forced wit all the ridiculous words u kno u dont use everyday the flow was on point it was jus a hot verse overall

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  13. August 17th, 2005, 11:49 PM #28
    MakeShyft
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    The Fatass? Lol, wtf.
    wtf rtf man.
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  14. August 19th, 2005, 04:23 AM #29
    Incineratedrose
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    Quote Originally Posted by MakeShyft
    wtf rtf man.
    I see no sigged link and im not in the mood to go hunting
    MondoThugs.

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  15. August 21st, 2005, 04:41 PM #30
    Incineratedrose
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    or not.
    MondoThugs.

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