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Thread: Baby Why

  1. August 7th, 2005, 07:58 PM #31
    elemental_game
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    Quote Originally Posted by *Peaches*
    yea it happened ta me only da other way around but my story is kinda different... he tried ta leave town, said he wasnt goin to take care of it and den also said that he would tell evrybody it wasnt his, so i got an abortion.. and it was a boy... and then two months later, we got into a arguement about the abortion and he hit me, and i cried all day then i tried ta kill myself..
    damn girl......but ay i aint tryin ta pack my thread wit jus talkin in general so hit me up in a pm
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  2. August 9th, 2005, 09:39 AM #32
    Drama Queen
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    It's good you manage to write about shit like this cause some people would find it hard to do so you know. I'm not gonna talk about creativity or concept, seeing how this is a real life experience and clearly written from the heart.

    The emotion was the best aspect without a doubt, told the story with real emotion pouring out of your lines. Imagery was not really there, more of an emotional piece. The flow was good even though some rhyming words didn't work such as daily and clearly or living and sinning, didn't work for me. Vocab could be improved on maybe but overall it was solid.

    Keep it up!



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    Odi et Amo

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  3. August 9th, 2005, 09:45 AM #33
    elemental_game
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    thanks for the feed....uppin dis
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  4. August 9th, 2005, 10:39 AM #34
    SunSpit
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    Yo i liked diz piece a lot. Had a lot of emotion n errything. Sorry bout wut happened n all. Good luck wit dat. U got skills yo keep da OM's comin. Keep writin. 1
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  5. August 9th, 2005, 02:54 PM #35
    Token Muslim
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    uppin 4 my hommie feedback on this
    Artificial Intelligence
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  6. August 10th, 2005, 02:53 AM #36
    Woganeen
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    elemental...my homie, that was nice, deep, damn, i was feelin that....kinda like poetry 2....nice emotion...im kinda speechless 4 1nce homie...keep it up

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  7. August 10th, 2005, 02:54 AM #37
    elemental_game
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    ayo thanks fam
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  8. August 10th, 2005, 11:33 AM #38
    Vaccine
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    ..................... wut da fuck u doin havin a baby at 16, lol jk, good shit, i can see u put alot of feeling into it, lettin everbody in yo personal lyfe, real ballsy, good flow, dont really like dat kinda structure but it still worked fo me, if u can, keep puttin out good shit like dis, but ull be strait if u dont, this a 1 hit wonder, good luck homie
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  9. August 12th, 2005, 02:10 AM #39
    elemental_game
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    uppin for some feedback plz
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  10. August 12th, 2005, 02:25 AM #40
    elemental_game
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    again uppin
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