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Thread: Think Before You Speak

  1. #1
    2012
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    Think Before You Speak

    Think Before You Speak
    ...
    at times I find that I hide from my mind, doctors think its depression
    gettin high from lines that try sliding my spine, often bringing regression
    ...
    it isn’t a question my life is in questions - on a quest for the truth
    seeking the meaning of being a being – ‘n I wont rest till I do
    mean while these vessels of blue, pump a flow to control my mood
    its like my veins send out waves, the way my blood flows through a tube
    ‘n the crowds found in senses i use, where hatred from pain reigns
    I feel my feelings building, but I lock it away, ‘n maintain a caged rage
    men’s mentalities change confiding the truth trying to hide from abuse
    that our society’ll use to bash a cats culture, like rhymes and a booth
    so now my mind has to choose... do I fight for our youth
    soon to use a mic just to describe us their blues
    or set aside what is true out of spite that I’ll lose
    ‘n let those faggots bash us, with what they write in the news
    ...
    “two more lives were consumed, by this guy who’s named snoop
    when his fan base demand they need some ‘ice’ ‘n some booze
    now we’re live with the clues why cops’d fired onto
    two little kids, lying, who died all to soon
    there parents’re aware of the music they ‘grooved’, ‘n by hype from the tunes
    they were gunned down over diamonds ‘n jewels...channel 2, live, its your news”
    ...
    that’s the last bit, the shit that’s fired my fuse, kids I’ll fight for our youth
    ‘n despise all you fools, blind by the roots, so soon to defined us ‘a crude’
    my moods got me dying to prove, you’re just denying the truth
    we could fly to the moon, you’d still imply it’s our moves that drive all these goons
    to bang with a vest that hangs over their chest, so I’ll put to rest all these questions
    what we speak ‘n bring is a means of art – our hearts expressing expressions
    so before you start with your lessons, suggestions...think before you speak
    cause much more of this shit ‘n you’re gonna see a demon unleashed through me
    ‘n it’ll take interest in seein you bleed, making you breathe in between ya screams
    you’ve never dreamed of such an evil being, that’ll leave you seen w/ a murder scene
    so concerning me, keep my name outta ya mouth, ‘n what my cultures about
    because yo, I wont think twice towards going out to run down to ya house
    ...
    while I get high from lines sliding my spine, often bringing regression
    at times I find that I hide from my mind, ‘n doctors think its depression
    .
    sss, stupid mother fuckers...
    Last edited by Jay Walker; July 14th, 2005 at 03:44 AM
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  2. #2
    2012
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    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  3. #3
    aiyo. it's Lay.
    Guest
    meh. this was hella nice.. but it'd be a lot more appealing to the eyes if your structure wasn't like that. it looks weird with just one word on a line.

    back with real feed..

    i liked the message of this piece jay. good idea for a topic. anyway, yeah.. some of the lines were a little stretched but the multis and internal rhymes made up for that. i'll show you some of my favorite lines.


    it isn’t a question my life is in questions - on a quest for the truth
    seeking the meaning of being a being – ‘n I wont rest till I do
    ‘n the crowds found in senses i use, where hatred from pain reigns
    I feel my feelings building, but I lock it away, ‘n maintain a caged rage
    or set aside what is true out of spite that I’ll lose
    ‘n let those faggots bash us, with what they write in the news


    those lines were pretty cool man. i liked the last one especially for some reason.. i guess because of the truth to it.

    “two more lives were consumed, by this guy who’s named snoop
    when his fan base demand they need some ‘ice’ ‘n some booze
    now we’re live with the clues why cops’d fired onto
    two little kids, lying, who died all to soon
    there parents’re aware of the music they ‘grooved’, ‘n by hype from the tunes
    they were gunned down over diamonds ‘n jewels...channel 2, live, its your news”


    that was a nice section right there. i liked the idea of a news broadcast, got me more interested.

    my moods got me dying to prove, you’re just denying the truth
    we could fly to the moon, you’d still imply it’s our moves that drive all these goons
    so concerning me, keep my name outta ya mouth, ‘n what my cultures about
    because yo, I wont think twice towards going out to run down to ya house
    while I get high from lines sliding my spine, often bringing regression
    at times I find that I hide from my mind, ‘n doctors think its depression


    very nice way to close it, twisting the opener. cool lines.


    anyway, yeah.. this was a good overall drop man. i think it woulda been better still if your lines had been shorter and able to fit on just one line. either way, i enjoyed the read and the overall message sent to the reader in this verse. good shit, stay up dawg. peace.
    Last edited by aiyo. it's Lay.; July 15th, 2005 at 03:10 PM

  4. #4
    2012
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    *takes your advice* thanks dude.
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  5. #5
    The True Psycho of RB
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    This was a good piece, the flow was on point all through the piece which i always respect cause a lot of the guys on here seem to just do a couple of decent flows and then write basic shit for most of the verse.
    The concept was original, you put good emotion and questions in the rhymes so that stood out to me also.
    Your vocab and wordplay was very strong in this piece so you was able to write some great imagery. I couldnt hate on nothing in this piece except maybe just shorten up the bars a tiny bit, im not really bothered about structure as long as the rhymes are dope, and your were.

    Return the feed please:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210894

  6. #6
    2012
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    thanks. bump.
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  7. #7
    2012
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    its very frustrating to see heads like route 1, or slick, get more replies than this piece...COULD I PLEASE GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING FEEDBACK GOD DAMNIT!!!
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  8. #8
    Articulate
    Guest
    the stucture could use work ya know, the flow isn't bad but it could be a lot better to make this seem more like a decent piece well this is a decent piece im feelin it the imagery is very good i like how you have a lil hook thing on it, i forget what there called when you write poetry but anyway good job with that the emotion is good the vocabulary could be a little but better but to be honest i like this cuz you have a very good imagery.

    rtf here http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=211112

  9. #9
    2012
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    thanks.
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  10. #10
    Articulate
    Guest
    yea can you rtf?

  11. #11
    Merk Squad
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    I liked this. artistically you came with it, needed some word on wording, but all in all a good read...

    keep it coming.

  12. #12
    2012
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    thanks. any more advice sonny sons?
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    This was a nice and this piece was obviously nice and took time......I appreciate great work like this and i think you should keep writing

    Until then vote for this


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=202886
    PM for battle

  14. #14
    killer instinctz!! ak-mixa's Avatar
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    go piece I give it an 9/10.....really enjoyed it and it came along with strong imagery....it's like i was really there....shit was cool....keep dropping Jay Walker...peace.
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  15. #15
    this wuz real tite...def feelin it


    while I get high from lines sliding my spine, often bringing regression
    at times I find that I hide from my mind, ‘n doctors think its depression

    ^^HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!HOT!!!!!!!! lol syk

    it isn’t a question my life is in questions - on a quest for the truth
    seeking the meaning of being a being – ‘n I wont rest till I do
    there parents’re aware of the music they ‘grooved’, ‘n by hype from the tunes
    they were gunned down over diamonds ‘n jewels...channel 2, live, its your news

    this shit wuz the TRUTH...and i like the lines centered/italics in this type of verse

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