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Thread: Locked In The Chamber

  1. #1
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    Locked In The Chamber

    [ Locked In The Chamber]

    Im locked in the chamber
    Anxiously waiting to make one suffer
    After I depart my chamber
    This mechanical piece will dispence in another member
    Finally, my anxiety is calmed by the chambers only light
    Or maybe it's better for me to escape this darker place at night
    Eager to let loose and take path in natures air
    I wonder what will I destroy to cause unexpected dispair
    But those thoughts do not matter.. Why? because..
    Im still locked in the chamber.

    Early september, our master confronted a gang member
    Fueld with rage he dropped his blunt, exposing its bright ember
    Dont you remember master? Thats the person you sent Caliber after
    Under your high, your prominent death became inflicted with laughter
    As I felt my faith suddenly becoming a factor
    Mechanicly I heared a click that drove my insanity faster
    As I flew trough what seemed to be reality
    I couldn't stop, for humans blood I was thirsty
    Could it be my purpose was increase deaths statistical casualty?
    Or was I here to test mand kinds fait trough their family?

    Noticably, I took path towards the side walks concrete
    As I crashed I flew again, but instead of swooshing I heared a heart beat
    Master you shall forgive me, as your high impared your vision
    And caused your aim to de-tour me and inflict your chest's insicion
    Under my body a doctor will find my description
    And discover that Intelligance is what the black mind is missin

    But this doesn't mean this story is over,
    because the gang member still has killers
    Locked In The Chamber.

    (Edited: Spelling Mistake)
    Last edited by NaS; July 14th, 2005 at 01:13 AM

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    uppin ^^

  4. #4
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    Uppin for feed ^^ ..

  5. #5
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    Still Uppin for feed.... last up post i shouldnt have to spam to get feed.

  6. #6
    use more multis.
    combo rhymes are ill. utilize them. to me it felt like you left a lot wide open.

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    uhm interesting pice, the first and last verses come accross with a poetic spirit and rythym.

    i'd say maybe the lyrical parts could maybe do with internal rhymes to strengthen the flow.vocab was pretty decent...had some suspense which is good

    ipretty nice tho.. you'd make a good poet also

    ..

    stay raising

    pz
    .................................................. ......................

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! DJRizzle's Avatar
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    ur strucure was off in a lotta places so it afffected the flow a lil bit.....it came out a lil worse....Could it be my purpose was increase deaths statistical casualty?
    Or was I here to test mand kinds fait trough their family?
    this is my favorite line.....ur internal rhyming was good in a cple places also.....jus keep on doin ur thing.....nice scheme to

  9. #9
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    Thanks, Uppin^^

  10. #10
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    Bad Feedback.

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