losing the faith

[Rezen]

i dont topical. but atticus inspired me to key one after an aim cypher.


My world capsized, water leaked from the sides.
filling my eyes, faux commitments,....all of it lies
i tried, but the smile subsides, i wept so bitter
cheated, i didnt need it... and in penance i hit her
a love that surpaced, didnt last as once hoped
constricting her throat, and in punishment croaked
lungs never coped, but this is my wife
my biggest regret, the happiest day of my life
but the hurt never left, in life and in death
i took this flower, and in marraige were blessed
the ring on her finger, a false symbol of dreams.
nothing ever is what it is, and i have nothing it seems
no complaint for the constraint, guilty i know
our love is suffocated, its ending so slow
never will grow, my petal's withered and died
all for the sake of faith, honesty and pride
morals of guilt, the home that we've built
is nothing to me, flowering love shall wilt
the faith has been damaged, the fakeness of marraige
when your souls desire, is the one to disparage
a sick vision, that hurt was her mission
because instead of help, i watch television
enough on my plate, and im feeling the pain
allways coming home late, but will never again
and then i stop, rage transforms into sorrow
what about now, wont be beside her tomorrow
and i cry........
....weeping, what have i done..god help
it was out of anger, the blows that where delt
i reminice of the bliss, we got hitched i recall
the white dress, the honey moon i remember it all
the hard times and everything, when her father had died
it was my shoulder to lean on, in pain she cried
my christian faith, is what I confide.. and dwell
but as god as my witness, im summoned to hell
the intentions are fake, will i awake
if not for me girl, but the kids are a stake
she was a lover, but the love was so fake
because i know in the end, i loved my soulmate
and i think....
...of what lifes about now,
will I,... escape...
... persecution somehow
death is evident, & the body is evidence
the blows to the head, been dead ever since.
why did it happen.... i have nothing left
lay slumped on the floor, as sorry's my last breath.....

......i shouldnt have cheated

[The Vendetta]

Pretty Decent Piece Man, This Was Creative, A Little Bit Of Imagery Here, Emotin Was Good, Vocabulary Was Nice, Structure Hmm Iffy But Well Done, Over All Emotion Here Was Good Man Keep Em' Dropping

[Yung Caesa]

Nice dawg, vocab was off tha chain, flow was good, emotion was nice and u got your point across...
Maybe somemore imagery I'd say, and why not try poetry cuz some parts were edging toward a Poetic Scripture...
Good Work...

[Colby Cain]

this was real good man, excellent job man, I like ta see talent like dat and u got alot of it. I cant really complain about any of it but theres alway space for improvement. keep doin ya thing man, and dont let ur emotions own ya, own ur emotions, wat ur doin is a good start. peace man

[Foreshadow]

I think your topical skills are pretty dope, you should join the SS for this coming up season.. I really liked the imagery it was very complex and very vivid.. The vocab was nice and not to complex but just right.. The flow was nice although I stumbled in some places but overall dope piece..

[Dae One]

vocab was nice in this piece...i liked the concept in this drop
i did at times lose the flow but the overall emotion and imagery were enough to overlook that.
the ending was simple but yet left a nice picture in my mind...overall a pleasure to read


p'z

[Tha Reason]

i was ok but elvate some

[sILLable]

good imagery and emotion..that was about all i liked in this piece...everything else was too basic too me...keep droppin and eevatin.~1~