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Thread: /\ Bleeding Ink /\

  1. #1
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    /\ Bleeding Ink /\

    Legs bent and wires twisting, he was of obscure genesis a demon built in the form of pegasus.
    Wings slowly stretch out to strange extents, copper veins pumping ichor, with intentions desolate.
    A single eye, of a dark hue, almost lack but still blue, staring at hand full of bloody, white feathers.
    The demon was still, dark stains and the red wetter, titanium razors of wings ruffling in the weather.

    "I wear desperation as a rope, and have by no mean any wishes to hang myself with it.
    I can't be allowed life on this plain, slowly rusted by all the rain and feasting on chickens."

    The grinning man remained seated on the worn wood chair, leaning back, legs crossed without a care.
    A screwdiver rest lightly in a palm, used for repairs. It was used for times like this, when he was aware.

    "And it's been a while...since I've been able to claim to be versatile, was I always so hostile?
    Am I nothing but an assassin? Augmented and enhanced so I'm worthwhile and perfectly guile?"

    "Child, don't be silly. You're breaking down, that's why I wear this smile. I'll be done soon, stop your riddles."
    The man only shook his hand, the demon's metallic mouth surrounded by what could be presumed as spittle.

    "How can I really try and express myself when nothing but wires and circuits resting in my chest?
    Why can I experience no emotions, but feel this stress...am I nothing but the product of progress?"

    "Silence your blasphemy, my child born within me. You must realize that you're not just strewn debris."
    "The gears turning inside cause me cause alarm, it's a sound like the screech of a banshee."

    The man lunged forward, curly blonde locks shining, before the creature could reply.
    "This is what happens when I'm defied. You're nothing but my machine, born of lies."
    The screwdriver twisted, expertly sliding into a slot, and the robot watched its boss.
    His voice slowly change and grew soft, usually stoic face contorted with its loss.

    "My vision is nothing but fiction...I seem to shrink... I think that all I can see is some red and pink.
    Stab my stained, sorry soul with a knife, sever links...all would happen is that I'd go and bleed ink."

  2. #2
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    Last edited by Drunken Waffle; July 9th, 2005 at 08:01 PM

  3. #3
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    This defidently a different topic than what others would do. It was interesting, my imagination was creating a picture most of the way through it. I liked it, even though you need to work on shortning your lines... mainly because it took some what of a while to get a good feel of the rhyme scheme. But when I got it, I liked that alot as well... This was pretty nice... imaginative, creative, and articulate... just keep elevatin in that aspect...

    8/10 nice work... thats my vote on what " I " think, I dont know bout others...


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  4. #4
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    Thanks for the feed.

  5. #5
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    iight man a very original and well chosen topic. i see topics like these made only a little. so great topic. flow here was absolutely awesome. flowed great in every line. structure was pretty good. rhyme scheme was crazy and so was the vocabulary. lots of advanced vocab. i personally like the opening lines. its like a filler. setting up the rest of the piece. great job overall i give it a 9/10 keep it up

  6. #6
    -=Illest Skill=- Vicious Breed's Avatar
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    nice structure and flow..
    ur topic was great well detailed and expressed good
    u had an aight ryhme scheme
    nice creativity and imgaination
    u could have boosted ur vocab and worded a bit betere but nice piece
    8.5/10
    Let The Pen Bleed So My Wrists Don't
    Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist


  7. #7
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    Thanks for the feed...

  8. #8
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    i was ok but elvate some

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