Overdose...

[The Vortex]

.

..
...
....


Nightmares full of doom, running in low back track shoes’
She wakes shaken and consumes six Prozac capsules’
Unfolds a Henry of white-lady, licks her sore mouth,
Her face savaged, ravaged by late-nights at the whorehouse
Malleable brain-tissue shrivels as she sparks the pipe
And forgets for one moment her whole life is shite
White smoke trickles her tonsils then turns to crystal,
Wild euphoria rushes in hard… her slim limbs tingle
She dwells on the “ninth-cloud”, not a care in the world,
She walks the catwalk… once again a beautiful girl,
Shining in spotlights… until the highlife starts to regress,
Charred fingers pulsate as she repeats the whole process,
Two black candles blazing as she handles the drugz’
The crack sizzles… she lies back and nuzzles the buzz,
Planet earth shrinking beneath her in a birds-eye-view,
She shouts adios to the ants below, then her words-die-too.
.
Overdose…Over…
.
At arms with nature,…there’s no true purpose in his being
Seeing failure lacking lustre, “life’s ok” when he’s dreaming
He numbs pain with needles, becomes engrossed in the action
His cerebral-cubicles frazzle to toast from the insertion
He peeps’ the mirror, an inert version of his former-self,
Coughing blood droplets’ starts to witness poorer health
He hates this fucking "smack", he jacks detested grains'
China-white saw him diminished thru molested veins’
Grim Reaper grins, he pleads, “let me get one more hit”
Then Satan walks up in the room cooks up some raw shit,
Supplies the "last fix" and drives a crucifix thru his chest,
Devil hails “yes the unblessed, another spirit to his nest”.
.
Overdose…[/

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=207687

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=207770

[2hot2handle]

That was dope. it had great imagery and you had good structure. I like how you used the wordplay and how you set up ya sentences. It told a great story and the vocab was good. You didnt really try to force any rhymes which was good. Just keep at it on ya vocab and the essential needs and youll improve better. Nice drop.

[thebathtoy]

yo let me be in this shit

[The Vortex]

thanks for checking it out yo... yeah imma keep on up

uppers

[The Vortex]

ups

[MakeShyft]

Nice verse , really diggen the flow and whole idea of it ... originality always scores extra points.. The words you used were discriptive, but some felt forced .. just make sure you choose the right words .. an thats the only critisism I got .. keep it up
Pz.

[The Franchi$e]

thouhgt provoking deep well written and very descriptive and easy to follow i liked the tone of it too you gave it a very dark feeling but all works cant be happy rainbowish and stuff,

He hates this fucking "smack", he jacks detested grains'
China-white saw him diminished thru molested veins’
Grim Reaper grins, he pleads, “let me get one more hit”
Then Satan walks up in the room cooks up some raw shit,
Supplies the "last fix" and drives a crucifix thru his chest,
Devil hails “yes the unblessed, another spirit to his nest”.

^my favorite parts extremely deep and its easy to form a mental picture for me and i enjoyed this part the most it gave me an internal conflict feel upon reading it.... anyways good job keep writing.

[The Vortex]

good looking out

bump

[Tha Reason]

i was ok but elvate some

[sILLable]

very deep..very emotional...i liked tha imagery..i loved how descriptive your were with your wordplay and how you utilized the complexity to your advantage..not to advanced..still very ill though..keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

[Tha Grim Speaka]

I liked this, this was pretty damn deep as everyone else is sayin. For me I liked this cuz it was more of a story and it was about something tradject. As corrupted as that sounds, tradjedy engulfes my attention. Nice drop man.

Drop some feedback on about smokin

[Facts Machine]

This was pretty good... the imagery was nice and it was detailed. The concept is coola and I felt the emotion... i like that birds-eye-view line, it really stood out. This was poetic and complex with the vocab which made it interesting. The flow was decent, felt off sometimes cuz maybe u could of worded some shit better. I think this would be dope for audio if u have a fast tempo'd beat. Keep it up.

[The Vortex]

good looking out yo.. fosho imma try hook up a fast beat and deal with an audio

pz

[kwik_trigger]

good topic... we all have experience with that im sure. an overdose is nothin to take lightly and i think your piece hits it hard on key... i like the words and the way you wrote about the topic... good piece all together...

[chaotikist]

wow......beautiful....the imagery is so legit...its amazing how you take a single, individual person, and disect her in verse....every line flows nice and the structure is legit....love the vocab and how it correlates with the style of the piece...each word is carefully chosen to exemplify every part needing to be accented....this shit is intelligent....love it, peace..........