Wrong View

[Madik]

Meet mark, a man with perfection, no deception
at least that's what it seems under our perspective
with creased pants, new shoes and a leather jacket
like we went to hell and he rolled down a better passage
and the girls dreamed, hoped, and wished to pursue him
although they never knew him cause his cash flowed fluent
lived alone in a mansion, a business man with musical passion
and he seemed joyful when the world was in murderous action
the guys envied, neighbors claimed him friendly
and without him this small world would become empty
with a rolex, gators, corvette and chains flossin'
since his life was basically watchin' dream and hapinness crossin'
enjoyed a chance with a beatiful life and a gorgeous home
but the riches hurt him from under like a king with a schorchin' throne
grew up in riches and lives to embrace 'em in the same house
but due to his unhappiness, one day whent home, sat down and blew his brains out

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...24#post2663524

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post2656411

[Dan Dare]

Two links, not one. Second link had better be coming today.

[Madik]

can i get some feedback?

[CrazyCarl]

As the piece went on, I was waiting for the twist, and it didn't seem like you would leave yourself enough room. Would have liked the ending to be a little more poetic than it was. Maybe more thought put into the ending would have helped. Description was alright in the beginning for the character.
like we went to hell and he rolled down a better passage
This line stood out to me. Keep practicing your story-telling.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=205750

[Madik]

thanks a lot dawg, anymore feedback?