Willingly Killing Me....

[Xclusiv One]

Prewritten verse I did, went nuts with multis and accents to make it smoother to read...

peace




Show ~capabilities~ of ~abilities~ ~willingly~killin~me~//
to the point of ~break~, shaken of never ~mistaken~ ~hostility~//
So ~fufillin~me~ brings ~slips~ to ~snap~, ~wrists~ that ~crack~//
n' an ~aristocrat~ will miss this ~rap~ cuz its my business ~jack~//
for ~clips~to~cap~, ~snack~ your ~chat~ til it ~happens~back~//
n' ya satisfaction ~lacks~ like ~fractioned~halves~//
you'll never ever remember handshakes you ~missed~for~claps~//
Now you could ~live~for~that~ or ~live~to~snap~//
them ~sick sick raps~, then ~rip~a~kat~//
n' let decisions ~act~ for this in ~tact~ it's filled with ~facts~..//
we ~creepin~..~seepin~ n' ~feedin~ what you believed to be ~needin~//
Keep you in ~pieces~ like ~deceased kids~ when you seem to be ~sleepin~//
im ~reapin~ the ~sequence~, trade you a seagal for a ~steven~//
Then im ~feedin~ what chu ~readin~ like a ~heathen~ when shes ~teethin~//
~beatin~ til you ~bleedin~ w/o a mutha fuckin ~reason~//
Im ~bored~, mics n' ~swords~ overboard in ~store~//
beg for the ~lord~ ~accord~ in heat cuz we missin the ~warm~//
~spittin~ is ~swarms~ ~rippin~ the ~score~ ~hittin~ the ~floor~//
I rip ~sick tricks~ in, under the ~rendition~ of an undefined ~definition~//
im the ~sickest~ ~preminision~ livin under ~ficticious~ ~bitches~//
father outta prison n' my only ~wish~ is to get ~6's~//
of my ~hits~ 'n to ~rip~ it off my ~christmas~ ~gift~list~//
But if its ~strictly~business~, ~witness~shit~get~twisted~//
We gott nuttin to ~lose~ til' its done ~unto~you~//
let ~loose~ renewed, Saddam hussein on the front of the ~news~//
get him lifted in different ~positions~ n' throw stones from a ~distance~//
Who could write sum shit this ~twisted?~ a ~sickness~, bare witness~//

[Dan Dare]

You need to post two links, to two OMs you left decent feedback on, or this gets closed, thanks.

[Xclusiv One]

I planned on it mam, could you give me alil time.....you didnt have ta close my other thread, I could added a hook or sumthin to make it 16 lines....

[Xclusiv One]

Heres tha links to stuff I replied to. http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=205565
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=206267

[Ad Lib]

This was different from things i've read, it wasn't always on point I felt topically wise, or I just got lost because the amount of rhyming being done. Anyway I enjoyed the read, but you do not need to rhyme as often as that. For instance An internal rhyme and then a rhyme at the end of the bar

Example...
This cats pulled back hat is ugly
Lifes hard why do people always judge me

(I know the line doesn't make sence but it is the action within the bar. It isn't to much rhyme, but it's more complex then A-B...C-D...etc.

I enjoyed some of the lines though even though the ryhme scheme filled with multies was a little hard to read I felt...this line I really liked...opened the piece perfectly, I think this line was good...and made me expect much more out of this piece then what you had put into it.

Show ~capabilities~ of ~abilities~ ~willingly~killin~me~//
to the point of ~break~, shaken of never ~mistaken~ ~hostility~//

None the less, good job.

-Ad Lib

[Xclusiv One]

I appreciate te feedback bro.....
It is good to see that this site is active with people who truly are into whats goin on here...
peace

[J Murder]

Prewritten verse I did, went nuts with multis and accents to make it smoother to read...

peace




Show ~capabilities~ of ~abilities~ ~willingly~killin~me~//
to the point of ~break~, shaken of never ~mistaken~ ~hostility~//
So ~fufillin~me~ brings ~slips~ to ~snap~, ~wrists~ that ~crack~//
n' an ~aristocrat~ will miss this ~rap~ cuz its my business ~jack~//
for ~clips~to~cap~, ~snack~ your ~chat~ til it ~happens~back~//
n' ya satisfaction ~lacks~ like ~fractioned~halves~//
you'll never ever remember handshakes you ~missed~for~claps~//
Now you could ~live~for~that~ or ~live~to~snap~//
them ~sick sick raps~, then ~rip~a~kat~//
n' let decisions ~act~ for this in ~tact~ it's filled with ~facts~..//
we ~creepin~..~seepin~ n' ~feedin~ what you believed to be ~needin~//
Keep you in ~pieces~ like ~deceased kids~ when you seem to be ~sleepin~//
im ~reapin~ the ~sequence~, trade you a seagal for a ~steven~//
Then im ~feedin~ what chu ~readin~ like a ~heathen~ when shes ~teethin~//
~beatin~ til you ~bleedin~ w/o a mutha fuckin ~reason~//
Im ~bored~, mics n' ~swords~ overboard in ~store~//
beg for the ~lord~ ~accord~ in heat cuz we missin the ~warm~//
~spittin~ is ~swarms~ ~rippin~ the ~score~ ~hittin~ the ~floor~//
I rip ~sick tricks~ in, under the ~rendition~ of an undefined ~definition~//
im the ~sickest~ ~preminision~ livin under ~ficticious~ ~bitches~//
father outta prison n' my only ~wish~ is to get ~6's~//
of my ~hits~ 'n to ~rip~ it off my ~christmas~ ~gift~list~//
But if its ~strictly~business~, ~witness~shit~get~twisted~//
We gott nuttin to ~lose~ til' its done ~unto~you~//
let ~loose~ renewed, Saddam hussein on the front of the ~news~//
get him lifted in different ~positions~ n' throw stones from a ~distance~//
Who could write sum shit this ~twisted?~ a ~sickness~, bare witness~//

dat was hott..keep writting..u would b a good accesory to my set...drop a tryout if u intereted .....

[Foreshadow]

I didnt find a point to this piece.. Topical wise it's crap and the only thing that I see is you flowing a bunch of words.. Sorry if I'm begin a little bit to blunt but I'm waiting for one of you newbs to step it up and show me something that has a point to it..

[Xclusiv One]

read my piece Any Means Necessary, same forum.....And I may be a newb to this site, but I been on ezboard for 3 years +......so theres no reason to hate like that....makes you look stupid man...

peace

[Foreshadow]

That's my point ezboard lol... I'm out keep working on your text game dog..

[demolish]

Woah! Dats Da Most rhymin I've Ever Seen
Keep It Up Dawg Very Interestin rhyme scheme, very dope lyricism da best i've seen yet
Nice Metaphores in some points but ya do need to chill its great tryin to complex your rhymes but don't over do it judt keep it reel
Nice Word PLay n flow
I Can Feel Da Rhythm Of Your Drop As I'm readin It Very Nice
Very Original


Keep Droppin Peep Some Of My Shit Its Called Now And Forever

[Xclusiv One]

I aint even gonna say nuthin to your stupid ass remark Beacon...
Quit actin like your special, cause you aint nuttin but AVERAGE at BEST....

PS you dont know shit bout ezboard or my experience there....so quit postin BS in my thread...

thx

[tuffle]

liked the lines but couldnt read the whole thing i give u cred