vannila ice

[wallace12]

who else thinks vanila ice is a fucking joke
i'd get him by the throat and get a rope
tie it round his neck till he starts to choke
drag him to the park and hang him from a tree
when the police come i'l say it wasn't me
i'l say he sliped on that rope when he was climbing
i thought he was laughing not fucking crying
and i was far to busy freestyling
to notice that twat was fucking dying
wot's up mate am i under arrest
i see that is not a bullet proof vest
which means i got a gift for you
a fucking hand cannon caliber 2.2
i pull the gun out the trigger i squeezed
his partner goes not me please
i said dont worry darling i got an idea
u can suck my dick while i down this beer
but when i'm done you better start to run
cos i still got seven bullets in this gun
6 are for u and 1 for me
cos life in prison would be fuking scary

[Dan Dare]

You need to post two links, to two OMs you left decent feedback on, or this gets closed. Thanks.

[Trema]

A few things about yo piece yeah!

who else thinks vanila ice is a fucking joke
i'd get him by the throat and get a rope
-->tie it round his neck till he starts to choke
Good decent start off, but this line dont rhyme!

drag him to the park and hang him from a tree
when the police come i'l say it wasn't me
^^^This is weak but i like the vocab its joke lol!

i'l say he sliped on that rope when he was climbing
i thought he was laughing not fucking crying
and i was far to busy freestyling
to notice that twat was fucking dying
wot's up mate am i under arrest
i see that is not a bullet proof vest
which means i got a gift for you
a fucking hand cannon caliber 2.2
i pull the gun out the trigger i squeezed
his partner goes not me please
i said dont worry darling i got an idea
u can suck my dick while i down this beer
but when i'm done you better start to run
cos i still got seven bullets in this gun
6 are for u and 1 for me
cos life in prison would be fuking scary

This was piece was joke i give u that but as for if i think its dope nah! You see you could of made this alot batter if u used better vocab and projected your thoughts (obviously dissing vanilla) through metaphors and simily's. In future try to lengthen your lines a bit with decent vocab and yo flow will better!

[CrazyCarl]

If you had some punches in this, you probably could have made it more funny. That way you could actually make it about him. The way it is now, you can insert anyone's name. I would have liked to see you put in some personals. For future pieces work on being more complex.

[EyeBite]

^no links,lol^ anywayz...
the flow and strucutre wasnt good at all yo
the rhymes were simple too simple..
the topic wasnt interesting...
elevate and improve and you'll getr much better.. i see your new
not that bad for a new person but just keep droppin and learn from people's feed
k? have a nice day

[Mistral]

More of a diss than an actual Topic. Closed.