I Dun Seen Da Light

[zprofessa]

Yeah thats right-

I dun seen da light
Dun been on both sides of da fight
Yeah, been high as a kite
And lower than a dustmite

Dun lost some battles
and won some wars
Dun danced with victory,
Dun nursed some battle scars

And I ain't sayin I'm da best
But I passed da test
And in da end - I won da fight-
Yeah, - no contest

And gettin here has been
A struggle - no doubt
Not always fastlanes,
Often da slow route

You know they say,
'Slowly but surely'
Better gettin there later -
Than givin' up early

So keep on goin'
With all your might
And don't give in
Till you dun seen da light

Cuz then you'll know
You've won da fight
So let them know -
'I dun seen da light!'

Yeah, thats right!

[SeductiveMind]

For some reason I felt you could have started the beginning out stronger so people get absorbed into the poetry. I was feeling the emotion in this but felt at times if you added more creativity it would of brought the poem to better heights.Like the format though it has a smooth flow when read. Nice piece though.

[Phillup Caskets]

I coudnt get into teh poem because you spell like an e gangster.... i mean cmon "I Dun Seen Da Light" thats not english

[ok,computer]

it was kinda simplistic....which isn't always bad,,,,but i think this kind of motavational piece required more depth......you could try and re-write this and add more lines to explain the drive....and work around that issue a bit more....cus i thought that was the most interesting idea in your piece