Riddle

[DJRizzle]

life alone is meaningless without it all
masses of people support me but someday ill fall
im ashamed of my heritage im considered a bastard
im the most influential leader who opened a new chapter
i left home beaten and i wanted to be an artist
but the death of my mother sparked a rage uncharted
a chancellor in title a dictator at mind
unchallenged power in this world will make me divine
my armies lay siege to a city renamed
so much destruction and carnage it leaves the soldiers insane
my opponent mowes down his retreating red soldiers
my heart is ice but the steel man is colder
millions of losses ive inflicted in timee
until after this battle now theyre crossing the rhine

maybe i shud review my work instead of keystyling? give me some feedback try to anwser the riddle:-p

[Dan Dare]

OMs have to be a minimum of 16 lines, in accordance with the rules.. however as this wasn't that bad of a drop for a new kid, I'm leaving this open, just this once.

However, you need to get two links, to two OMs you left decent feedback on, or this does get closed. Thanks.

- RB mod staff

[DJRizzle]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=196647
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=196400
thank u:-=D

[Trema]

life alone is meaningless without it all
masses of people support me but someday ill fall
^^^You could of made them two lines longer (put more into it) but it was ok!

im ashamed of my heritage im considered a bastard
im the most influential leader who opened a new chapter
i left home beaten and i wanted to be an artist
but the death of my mother sparked a rage uncharted
^^^Thats more like it,that was good homs i can tell you have some talent

Some parts of this was good, your structure (with the short lines) was ok but the deep lines you were writing you could of done much more with your wordplay! Keep it up i'll be looking forward to reading your next piece!

[Johnny 6-feet]

short but readable, you had pretty strong vocab and some good imagery in this piece:

my armies lay siege to a city renamed
so much destruction and carnage it leaves the soldiers insane
my opponent mowes down his retreating red soldiers
my heart is ice but the steel man is colder

^my faveourite 4, i really think you should've made this piece longer and run on with the army metaphors, i also think slightly longer lines and some multi's would've helped the flow of the piece along, but you held my interest anyway.

Keep posting, i see you have potential. If you could rep my piece 'timeline' i'd aprricaite the feedback.

[Skribble]

Now this is what i'm talkin about, man... this was readable and it had good time into it, not typin to get sum entertainment wit "fuckin around", but this was not, so good job!

[DJRizzle]

i wrote this one inbetween 10-15 minutes:-p it was serious....i honestly cant take most maintstream rap seriousely but its fun to mess around wit though cuz i think its funny:-D

[LA4Lyfe]

this was alright, had some good vocac and alot of energy
liked the mantality I felt on this on but, whats the riddle?

[Ïçê ~Ð~]

Aiight word:
Structure: decent you had a good structure
Vocab: very strong use of words and much respect for that dawg, very strong on the wordplay
Flow: the flow was good too, not too basic and it all rhymed, so you came good there too
Aiight on tha whole I could feel this, your use of words that's the thing that got me reading it over and over again, to see that you have a good chance of being really tough on the scene
Good luck homey, and feed my stuff too (post it soon)

[DJRizzle]

thanx uppin again

[DJRizzle]

its hitler:-p when he goes to stalingrad which is origanally st petersburg hitler was a failed artist who adored his mother and his dad also was illigitamate thought to be fathered by a jew and stalin is the steel man his name wasnt even origanally stalin it was a common russian name

[ProToTyPe]

that was pretty easy to read, so that makes it a pretty good drop for a new guy. Im new too so its good to see more posts like this with potential to elevate yourself. Your scheme itself was iight, it could use some work. It was pretty short, so work on gettin your thoughts across so that people that read can feel it too. Be easy man.