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Thread: Rawganic & Gurker: Collab' Winning Verse.

  1. #1

    Rawganic & Gurker: Collab' Winning Verse.

    Among my brothers, my friends, my platoon..
    a slow whistle leads to a crescendo,
    & a crescendo goes..

    BOOM!

    As the wind whisps by with the cry of bullets,
    I feel a sharp, burning sensation in the side of my stomach.
    Its shrapnel, tearing its way through my sagged flesh.
    The pain intensifies,
    And im unsure how much time I have left.
    As blood seeps from my open wounds, and the end draws near,
    I find myself unphased by the fickle thing called 'fear'.
    See, I'm not afraid of death. .
    . .but I DO fear for those i'll leave behind,
    Clutching a crinkled photograph of my beleaguered wife,
    I burst into tears.
    Coverin' the pictures sepia tone. .
    . .I'd put to the back of my mind, thoughts that she'd be alone,
    if I were to meet my end, which looks certain now,
    We fought like heroes.
    These men were the sweat from my fervent brow.
    These men were what the war was about.
    These men were the reason you lay safe.
    Thses men were gone. .& now feel their wake.
    There must have been a mistake, it was our own plane.
    How could so much friendly fire..
    lead to so much pain?
    With the enemy gloating in vein, what heinsight could see,
    would have saved my whole platoon. .
    but like all exagerated movies, that had to go and save me.
    The trench is littered with bodies,
    from torsoes to limbs.
    Nothing could have prepared me for what my soul embodied,
    & with bullets still brazing. .
    I head to the nearest shelter I could find.
    With photo's and memories in mind. . I curl up & freeze.
    With dirt upto my kness the filth is making me blind,
    Now I was open to army with a devilish creed.
    Unknown to me, I lay my battered body on a..
    wierd pillar shaped block which suprisingly felt like hay.
    But with shock and awe..
    ..I find its my best friends chest blown up raw-
    ganically. I just hope he was spiritually released.
    So we'll once meet again,
    To bistowed with the rest of gods keeps.
    .
    ..
    Alone, no bothers, no friends, no platoon!
    a slow whistle leads to a crescendo,
    & a crescendo goes..

    BOOM!

    I guess this is the end..
    I hope you remember all that I told ya.
    As I won't ever forget..
    The day me & Raw played Toy Soldiers.






    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...79#post2521179
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...08#post2521208
    Last edited by Gurker!; June 6th, 2005 at 02:23 PM
    R aw-ganically in the Gurks

    Gurker & rawganic.

    Topical Collab' Champs '05

  2. #2
    hOW IS THIS POSSIBLE NOT TO HAVE A SINGLE FEEDBACK!
    gay..
    R aw-ganically in the Gurks

    Gurker & rawganic.

    Topical Collab' Champs '05

  3. #3
    Shalom Teabag!!!
    R aw-ganically in the Gurks

    Gurker & rawganic.

    Topical Collab' Champs '05

  4. #4
    Baron Mynd Rawganic's Avatar
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    ROFL ..

    .. Leave links and we'll get through them all one by one.
    Last edited by Rawganic; June 10th, 2005 at 06:21 AM
    R a w M e n t a l i t y Topical Collaborations Champions 2 0 0 5

  5. #5
    Thirteen Cancers
    Guest
    WOW...very nice between u guys...i loved the imagery the peice had......great vocab....ight structure...but it was a very good peice..and it won the Tag Topical title...pretty cool.....congrads....peep my sig...

  6. #6
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    The flow wasnt my style but it flowed nice, imagery was good, really feelin the concept (cuz the end suprised), that was some very slick shit...although the rhyme pattern was simple it was effective...nice drop all the same...keep postin and elevatin...this kid is ghost!!!

  7. #7
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Cheers, but we elevated enough! Well for textcee levels anyways..
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  8. #8
    Baron Mynd Rawganic's Avatar
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    Horrendous replies.
    R a w M e n t a l i t y Topical Collaborations Champions 2 0 0 5

  9. #9
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Wake up people!

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  10. #10
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    Well. I liked this, unusual.. creative, are the words I'd use to describe this. Good drop. I thought it could've been a tad more gruesome, you went easy on the gore in this, I wanted to feel nauseous as I was reading this. I wanted some really explicit imagery, I think it would've been appropriate. But it was honestly quite a comfortable read in that sense, I never quite got it.

    I liked the concept though, I think, I didn't really get the 'crescendo goes boom' bit though, what was that about?

    I liked that very last stanza, it had a good sense of closure about it. Overall, good drop. What bits did each of you write? It looked like Gurker wrote most of it to me. Lol.
    ...

  11. #11
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    Lol, I Think Dude Above Me Said It Best With This Being 'Unusual', Imagery Wasnt That Good And U Could Of Made It Alot More Graphic And Sick...

    But OverAll It Wasnt That Bad...Pretty Good Actually

    Hit Up The Battles In My Sig

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    .........

    -Battles need voting-


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  12. #12
    Banned Vamp.'s Avatar
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    *blows dust off OM*....iight Dis peice.....i liked ....slighty unorthadox....but immensly creative....Lil grotesque to say the least but i could have done wit a bit more of it.....cuz that jus the way i like it..Imagery OUT-FUCKIN-STANDING....u put me into the mind of the viewer...i like that......BOOM thing was a lil bit...how should i say.....un-needed...but it went with it.... ...wasnt feeling ur closure....It lacked something that i jus cant put my finger on.....overall....good peice u and baron did a good job on this peice.....keep it up

  13. #13
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    ^ How do you know which part I wrote?
    We deliberatly matched styles so you couldnt tell who wrote which. Lol.

    WORD P e r f e c t !


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