a few things... i thought the flow was on for a lot of it, though there were a few points where it just didn't come off
like, im getting the distinct impression that you kinda just rambled this out for the most part and kudos on getting it down mostly correct
i sense you're trying to head somewhere deep with your metaphors and whatnot... but no general underlying togetherness is present, Consequently i only kinda get what your talking about...
pretty darn good for a keystyle... but you could have crafted something better im sure