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Thread: "Slut" - punchlines & metaphors galore

  1. #1
    AlmightyDerek
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    Exclamation "Slut" - punchlines & metaphors galore

    I wrote this after I completely ceased all communication with this lying, slutbag whore I dated for a while. She filled me with so much rage...the angrier I got, the more I improved this song. I'm leaving the hook out because it's pretty weak. anyways, here's the verses...

    Why in the fuck did you pick me to be your trash can?
    For my last stand, I ban you from my life eternally
    It was certainly a living nightmare
    You falling for every guy willing to talk with you
    And I’ll just release the shocking truth
    I knew from the start that something was wrong with you
    ‘Cuz you’d date any fuckin stooge who’d agree with your sick views
    Still, I stayed true after I found you were dating two other guys
    I’ll stick a clock in your severed head and drop-kick it to see time fly
    You fed me lies until my state of mind just up-and-died
    During our first date to the movies, you even looked me in the eyes
    I took you to your prom, met a different girl who had turned me on
    But my will was strong, so I danced with you ‘til the night was gone
    It felt so wrong to stay with you, when I truly hated you
    Wanted to beat you ‘til you turned black-n-blue, but we made it through
    The sacred truth is all you wanted, but I kept to myself
    I felt guilty ‘cause deep inside, I wanted someone else
    I spoke with a few of my friends ‘cause their girlfriends told ‘em shit
    About how much you really liked me, so I chose not to let go of it
    I just decided to keep quiet, hoping that your feelings would fade
    But you never gave up, and I couldn’t keep you far enough at bay
    The worst had happened – left me unhappy, never laughing
    And every single hug you gave me felt like a thousand knives stabbing
    All of this blasphemy made me hate you even more
    So I blocked you out completely since I couldn’t get rid of you before
    You ruptured my emotions – it felt like nuclear explosions
    I dreamt of violent convulsions, and you didn’t even seem to notice
    I had to focus on a quicker way to end the hurt and pain
    With a shotgun in my mouth, about to take myself out like Kurt Cobain

    verse 2:

    Another day goes by – I’m alive while hating myself
    Every time I saw you, I wanted to turn your face into a welt
    Drowning my thoughts in alcohol, I had the bitch drunk by my side
    My cousin took us out for interrogation, and I had to lie
    Every question was followed by the best response I could think of
    I had to say that I liked you – and after that, I’d had enough
    Held you in my arms throughout the rest of the night, and it was fine
    You got upset when I said I wouldn’t mind if you went with other guys
    You said it would be too awkward for us to hang out
    When you’re the slut who wanted me – don’t deny it
    When we stopped talking, it caused a fuckin riot
    Billy and Nicole fell in love, and that was pretty much the end of us
    Blaming me for all of your mistakes just because you were jealous
    I guess our friendship sank to the bottom quicker than the Titanic
    Convinced it was finally over, I had no more reasons left to panic
    Except you caused my hatred for females to rise to a higher level
    Then I listened to the message on my cell phone, and speak of the devil
    You told me that you really missed me,
    And you wanted to see me soon – not very likely
    I thought it was God Himself trying to smite me
    You’re a fucked-up obsessive bitch, missing the heart to care
    With your oversized tits, you belong with the hookers in Time Square
    I deleted the message...figured I could just forget it
    And Vic, if you ever call me again, you will regret it
    Watch who you mess with – death is a promise I’m bound to keep
    If you’re ever back in town, I’ll slit your throat while you’re sound asleep

    verse 3

    I stumbled upon your secret web page a few days ago
    It proves you’re a ho . . . the truth is exposed
    And you didn’t even think to mention me
    The thought has been fucking with me mentally
    I was only searching for relief and a strong sense of peace
    Found out you’ve been with five different guys in a single month
    There’s one or two you’ve fucked, and some you make-out with for fun
    You can’t control it – most of the innocent comments were bullshit
    Being a filthy slut and giving it all up is your own fuckin fault, bitch
    I hope this weak twat dies in labor; you fuckin cheap fraud
    You jump from guy-to-guy like it’s a fuckin game of leapfrog
    You tell more lies to be on the safe side, but I know the fatality
    And probably by this time, you’re more played-out than Pamela Lee
    Never in my life have I felt so fucking used
    Sure you like it now, but in the end, you will surely lose
    Since you have a boyfriend, I’m confident I’ll never see you again
    Finally, I can breathe without the anxiety of someone hell sent
    The only love in my life is the simple beauty of pure hatred
    I see the path to eternal darkness; and since I’m heartless, I’ll take it
    Witnessing people in love these days really makes me sick
    I don’t even think I have that emotion anymore, so my life is shit
    Thanks to this dirty bitch, I may never trust another girl
    The sight of every female makes me hurl; let me out of this dying world
    I think I’m going crazy, and there’s nobody who’s willing to save me
    Because of my looks, all that a girl will ever proceed to do is hate me
    That’s how it’s been lately, and it will continue for the rest of my days
    I should’ve taken a chance with the current girl, but I was too afraid...

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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  4. #4
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    Not bad, There were some nice lines in there.

  5. #5
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    man, you got across your feelings about this girl cystal clear, you told a story through the long piece and you managed to keep me interested until the end. your vocab and rhyme scheme needs a little work but it doesn't change the fact this is a good piece with a good topic and imagery and the 'time fly' line actually made me laugh out loud. good work man.

    keep posting, and if you copuld rep one of mine i'd appriciate the feedback.

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  6. #6
    AlmightyDerek
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    Thanks, yo. I've been working a lot on my vocab etc. lately. I'm still improving. Thanks for the encouragement. rs.

  7. #7
    AlmightyDerek
    Guest
    alas...bump

  8. #8
    ½ Crook
    Guest
    well, punchlines galore

    Why in the fuck did you pick me to be your trash can?
    For my last stand, I ban you from my life eternally
    It was certainly a living nightmare
    You falling for every guy willing to talk with you

    no punch in the opener - wtf flow seemed a lil shaky at first then picked up a bit

    the story was str8 though got your point across and made sense, pretty decent...i guess it just wasnt as eyepoppin because I was expecting more punches and shit in
    this

  9. #9
    AlmightyDerek
    Guest
    Sorry, I overexaggerated that. But thanx for the feed.

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