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[RoX-aka-kgh]

ya boy is a rainin flame
call me RoX, and respect tha name
got money on the brain
i respect the game
been there done that
and its all the same
shit it aint changed
on the right track
but ridin on the wrong train
livin past 25 was harder then tha lottery
half of my homies are just ashes in pottery
shit is sad in in the south
niggas livin in poverty
in da kak niggas go to sleep starvin hungry
bums in the city had it better then poor people in the country
cant find work so drug dealers and gang members kept me company
fuck bad cuz the streets was ugly, no body would hug me
many girls to fuck but no one to luv me
headed in a bad direction, wit no on star or navigation
almost ended up like my homies in the police station
or in the coffin where death was waitin
I was young but learned about the streets faster then a asain

[-=StrawBeRRy=-]

half of my homies right now livin in pottery

what the hell is pottery?...... .....LMAO.....

[davakid]

my rhymes be on fire just like busta rhymes the verses i be spittin i get locked up u think i committed a crime. mess wit me i end up makin my gun cough make ur brains fall in ur head and tell u to hold that thought.

[=[ SIN ]=]

nice lil spit nothin hot but ok

[CrazyCarl]

The piece improved when you switched to longer lines, it allowed you to be more descriptive. The first half was very basic with the short lines. Try to put yourself into the story more, you started to at the end. Then you can put some emotion and make it have a personal feel.
Return the feedback on "Treasure Lost" below.