Bleeding Hearts.

**Swift Death** · April 22nd, 2005, 02:28 PM

Bleeding Hearts.

The hearts slowly deteriorating into the night
Encased in barbed wire a cold cut of lust
They trudge across this barren plain
View the world in ashes of demeaning
The melody so faint turns to a broken chorus
As black sheets entrench the soils
Violins of violence echo across fields
Animals falling dead and decomposing
As if they aged a year as they tumbled to the ground
Vultures pick at veins and flies suck the blood
The brain lives on in horror
Molding to something evil as its partner is sapped
Thoughts meaningless subjugated to surreal doubt

God looks on…
We see ourselves
Shrouded in fog
Or the smog of our factories
The world is a bleeding heart
Intoxicated with our technology

When the brain finally gives out
And you synthesise you’re final thoughts
Will you look back with envy?
Or remember the beating of the broken chorus?

**Swift Death** · April 22nd, 2005, 05:32 PM

c mon...

Eve Alminds · April 22nd, 2005, 05:48 PM

sorry...i kept skipping over this one...i don't know why...but here goes for a little feedback for ya...the first thing that struck me which made it slightly difficult to read is your lack of punctuation throughout...where do your clauses end...but that aside...it's a well written peice good vocab and it reads well...it seems like you've tried to incorporate three different styles in this peice...or is that just me...you create wonderfully bizzarre (and that is not in a bad way) images...Violins of violence echo across fields...which work fantastically creating feeling throughout the peice...and with my final word i will say this and it's that i loved the final verse...it was succinct and flowed well...hope that's enough for ya cos i can't think of anything else to say...