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Thread: Hidden Talent

  1. #1
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Hidden Talent

    HIDDEN TALENT

    Muttering broken language through swollen lips...
    Ushering spoken anguish, beholding quips.
    Hidden strength deep inside afraid to be shown...
    Given depth where lies hide. Alone... never to be known.

    My mind is a base where lines are created,
    Where my life is spent trying to redifine the rhymes I once hated.
    I find signs like the matrix, but Im blind to there faces...
    I weep at the thought of people wasting the time I spent hiding just to make this.
    I have to face it that nobodys aware of the depths of my thoughts...
    No-one dares to go up the steps of my mind unless forced,
    But of course...Still they don't listen or even attempt to understand it.
    So im back in the position where I feel the need to hide my hidden talent.
    Its like hitting phantoms in silence because nobody hears you,
    Like fits and tantrums without violence, nobody fears you...
    And until somebody see's you you'll always appear to be weak,
    And unless that person feeds you the will to speak,
    You'll never really do what you ever dreamed or be unique...
    This world seems to speeding up and unless you seek what you want now...
    You'll spend the rest of your live running, not even knowing what from or how.
    It just takes one sound from one mouth to start you believing,
    Its hard to see you recieving credit right now so demand it!
    Show your hidden talent like you always planned it...


    ----------
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=185676
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=185171

    I don't really know what i was doing with this piece, just practising
    Last edited by Issue; April 14th, 2005 at 08:11 PM Reason: Taking advice...

  2. #2
    beyond dope.
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    good .. always write down whats on your mind, .. even if its not LEGENDARY or w.e keep your hands & mind .. busy ..

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    - Artificial Intelligence

  3. #3
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    I really like this one, unlike most of the stuff I read on this site, I believe this one shows talent itself. The flow was good and the rhymes were coming hard. There seems to be alot of shoutin and braggin but a lot of emotion as well. The best ones come within the heart, so that they can tear the reader apart...
    Keep up the good work, your on yo way to battlin.

  4. #4
    The True Psycho of RB
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    This was nice the concept was just your thoughts on different things but there was good questions and your views were raw so i liked it.
    The vocab was used well you wasnt using big words for the sake of it your flow was nice in some lines espically the first 2 lines but then you seemed to get inconsistant with it but that aint a problem cause the vocab and emotion in the rhymes made this piece dope.

    Return the favour:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=185688

  5. #5
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Im on my way to battling, lol,

    I want Baron to tell me where i went wrong here, I need him to show me!

    Uppn Foolio's

  6. #6
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    upp

  7. #7
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    Good piece to keep your skills sharp, if you took this as practice. You had some good ideas though, and the verse's quality was brought up by emotion. You used wordplay well, to emphasize some lines meaning. The vocab fit for the piece, and made it more complex. The message at the end, flipping from self to the reader brought the piece home. The structure for the verse was fine, since it was supported by internals.

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Brainz's Avatar
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    In my opinion this piece was hott and of course keep writing.
    Keep doin ya thing Cuz

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    Dead in the middle of Little Italy little did we know
    that we riddled some middleman who didn't do diddily
    ~Big Pun~


    I rub your face off the Earth and curse your family children
    like Amityville drill the nerves in your cavity fillin
    Insanity's building up pavillion in my civilian
    The cannon be the anarchy that humanity's dealing
    A villain without remorse, who's willing to out your boss
    Forever and take all the cheddar like child support
    ~Big Pun~

  9. #9
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    This was ok...kind of a motivational/inspirational type of piece...I
    dunno if thats what you were going for.....however it was kind of
    bland and boring....to inspire you need to have emotion in your
    piece and I never really got that from this
    keep writin
    A few achievements here and there

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  10. #10
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Thanks Carl, and Brainz, come on I cant take nothing from that man..

    Uppppppn like Moster trucks

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Deucedeucecuz's Avatar
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    just giving up the propz on this piece, drop some more of this i like ur writin style
    :hung:

  12. #12
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Yeah I was going for an inspiring piece, but yeh I wasnt looking to create a legendary piece, i was just trying to see what I could do with this as Im new to this writing style..

  13. #13
    GuyWithNoName
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    Muttering broken language through swollen lips...
    Ushering spoken anguish, beholding quips.
    Hidden strength deep inside afraid to be shown...
    Given depth where lies hide. Alone... never to be known.
    My mind is a base where lines are created,
    Where my life is spent trying to redifine the rhymes I once hated.
    I find signs like the matrix, but Im blind to there faces...

    ^ I love this part. The vocab was interesting, and the consistant use of multis/internal rhymes makes it even better to read. The opening bar's was the my favourite part, probably because of the imagery.


    I cry at the thought of people wasting the time I spent hiding just to make this.

    ^ personally, I thought this line needed improving. There's better words than 'cry' that which you could of used (it will reduce the rhyme scheme's consistancy a bit, but It could've had a lot more emotion, if the right vocab was used). The line was also very stretched.

    I have to face it that nobody knows the depths of my thoughts...
    No-one dares to go up the steps of my mind unless forced,

    ^ Again, the vocab could be improved, but it is better than the previous line. I like the description of this bar, not really sure why. Perhaps replace the word 'knows' with 'aware of' because dare/aware would rhyme, and the vocab would be improved slightly.

    Its like hitting phantoms in silence because nobody hears you,
    Like fits and tantrums without violence, nobody fears you...

    ^This bar grabs my interest again, with the complicated rhyme and interesting use of words.

    And until somebody see's you you'll always appear to be weak,
    And unless that person feeds you the will to speak,
    You'll never really do what you ever dreamed or be unique...
    This world seems to speeding up and unless you seek what you want now...
    You'll spend the rest of your live running, not even knowing what from or how.
    It just takes one sound from one mouth to start you believing,
    Its hard to see you recieving credit right now so demand it!
    Show your hidden talent like you always planned it...

    ^ This parts seems very meaningful to me. I like the rhymescheme.

    Overall: You need to concentrate on using vocab more. Don't sacrifice emotional laguage for rhymes, unless it's totally necessary. The first few lines of this piece tell me you could've had suitable vocab on nearly every line. Also, try to avoid stretching lines, perhaps practice writing to a beat might help?

  14. #14
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Thats some nice feed man, and I dont really like writing to a beat as my attention wonders, but I was feeling some of the issues you stated right there, thanks a lot

    Hit me up with a link to your next drop and Ill return the favour.

  15. #15
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    I incorperated some of the things you said into in man, thanks again

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