Fuck Gangs Fuck Shots (Fuck War)

[Wrenegade]

close to down town and guns are round n found slugz hit ya nose
shots ring to tear air cuz why die if death is all of gods plots
chose death breath fine die by ak45 you gone but nobody knows
streets feel heat compact with steel fleets of the red spots
style in own denile of fryle combile bust shots in my own bile
taking foes breaking nose bombarded keys n hatin hoes
nothing to do but chill bill with the will to still have the gats file
by any mans necessary his necessities are now his foe
only if the holy condoly god stop war as a far essence of man
then we can blend n mend human relationships as humans
just for once we can sullivate our world into shots n clans
because soon our own presevite devite health well be doomed in


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...58#post2208558
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...44#post2207644

[¤|-.Alpha.-|¤]

This shit was confusing, It was hard to follow your flow and rhyme scheme.

[Wrenegade]

lol ^^^that was called complexity....and i made the rhyme scheme complicated on purpose

[Bounce]

well for one thing you did have a cool scheme going, you just need work on better word choice and grouping. This was your first shot at a non conventional rhyme scheme, you will only imporve as time goes on. People here are looking for your last words in each line to rhyme, which is just homosexual if that is all they consider "flow". Technically there is no component of flow in a text peice, they really mean meter and or assonance. You could have made the peice smoother and more capivating, but as far as rhyme scheems go this si far more intersting than your typical aa ab type. You didn't nail it, but you did show you are willing to break outof the norm. Now elevate you vocab and work on droping a full peice and not just a few lines of a verse.

[Wrenegade]

ok thanks pancake