The Dust Upon Her Eyes (for Talia)

[MythDirection]

November

today i write a heart and pour out myths into this poem
yet i don't know how to start, but still i'll try to show them

She was...

The Title. The Name of The Song. Track Number 3.
The Bible. The Shame of The Strong. Trapped Inside of Me.

I was...

-Artist Unknown -aka SoAlone -Unidentified
-Anonymous -NoLongerWithUs -TheOneWhoCried

Together we were...

The road map to Indiana...fighting at a truck stop diner...red and yellow sundress.
Highway 69 was where i tried my very best...to cry like the rain in Montana.
Caught directions from a man I don't remember...couldn't stop till November
In December i retraced the route on your stomach, said the trip would last forever

December

the crowded hall never really cares about the poet
they only want the marquee, thinking that they know it

She was...

The Title. The Bend. Photo Exposure. One Way Mission.
The Finish. The End. The Closure. The Decision.

I was...

-production financed on debit -reading liner notes till dawn
-singer/songwriter credits -thank yous to god and mom

Together we were...

Christmas at her parents...fighting on the back porch...red and yellow scarf.
By myself after you got out of the car...pounded the dash to match my heart.
Made breakfast together, what I can't remember...burnt food never tasted better.
Then the blizzard weather kept us inside so long, I even tried knitting you a sweater.

Next September

My sobs soaked your hospital gown while you sang me our song
my pursed lips kissed and cursed that i wouldn't have you for long

She was...

The Title. The Only One. The Passion. The Crying.
The Tragedy. The Morning Sun. Everlasting. The Dying.

I was...

-Ms. Direction -Miss Misty Dumont. -Mrs. I wish you didn't die!
-Ms. Interpretation -Miss miss you so much -Mrs. The Dust Upon Her Eyes

Together we were...

Sweet deathbed lovers...fighting for another breath...red and yellow flowers
Our pictures and stories and all of my poetry for hours...till the very end
Gone while I was sleeping, head resting on that ugly sweater...gone forever
your eyes were closed, that was for the better as my kisses made them wetter.

The eulogy was...

Dust to Dust, Ashes to Ashes
Trust my love lays upon your lashes
Always remember that in December
I promised to find you again in November

[MythDirection]

reading this back i am surprised at how personal i got

wow and i thought i was through with crying

[young ryda]

wow thank this really got me thinking of life and love it self thanks u deff. got some skill son keep at it

-ryda

[MythDirection]

thank you i really appreciate that

[MythDirection]

if anybody reads this and feels the need to reply or has read Quists version in PS

feel free to just go straight to the battle thread and vote
i can see you just not wanting to read the other one though, not because it is bad, but it is very long

[sNoopfox]

Hey Myth, abit tired right now...my first read of this piece I was really feeling...will give some proper feedback 2moro when i got time.

Peace....

p.s That time you gave soem heavy critique on structure when I asked for ur feedback...it was well appreciated, helped me look more in depth to how I could solidfy a personal style...

Peace,

sNoopfox

[Mesmerize]

This was a pretty good drop although it didnt connect very well. For one thing, it didnt keep me interested. I felt like you jumped from one thing to another in this and u need to work on the wording. Though there were also some lines I was really feeling as well and i can see you have a poets potential, I dont really know how to explain what im trying to say, so bare with me, lol. It just seemed that although this may have been an emotional peice for you, it wasnt for the reader, and i couldnt connect to your feelings with this. I think itll come as you write more though. Another thing i liked was the style of this. It was different than a lot of the styles I see in PS. The flow was decent, it was smooth in parts and rough in other places. Like I said in "Lifetimes" it seems that you force a lot of your rhymes which takes away from the content in my opinion. But how you wrote to the content was different and creative so I give you props for that. Id like to see you keep dropping. I dont think your at a po' ethics level yet but you will be if you keep active.

peace,
Mez

[MythDirection]

i respectfully disagree with you on the connection aspect
almost every vote and comment i have gotten so far has been really positive about the emotions felt

i do not want to sound defensive i just get the impression that you are overthinking this a bit

aside from that if you do not think i am on po'ethics level then why don't you poetry battle me?

[Mantra]

^ never looked at my poem
and probably hates me now

[MythDirection]

i will get back to your poem i have been busy sorry

hugs mantra

[Mesmerize]

I dont have time to battle you or I would...but whatever, it was just my opinion.

[Black Knight]

keep sendin more stuff