Dont Call It A Comeback

[ELEETE]

Dont Call It A Comeback
Written By: ELEETE

I trace my wrists with razors...As my brain hits different phases...
Pre-death wishes hatred...On all things god's been keepin sacred...
An the shit amazes...To see that night forever hides my face...
Days have seized...In darkness I could never guide or find my place...
Bathe in my atrocities...Theres no one that could put a stop to me...
Call it a monstrosity...This isnt what true logic speaks...
This is a demonstration of my havoc...When my demon leaks...
It's hard to keep discrete...So Its time again to greet ELEETE...
It's like my alphabetics have turned phonetic...
Cause no one understood me the first time that I said it...
Lyrcial athletics is what I practice through verbal calisthenics...
Never will I sugar coat my words through makeup or cosmetics...
Shatter your vertibrae an replacem' with prosthetics...
Until your entire phsycal is covered in synthetics...
My words are torturous, herbs'll get scorched on the first verse...
Like a curse worse than a demon seed of a virgin's first birth...
On the verge, I emerge from cemetary soil dirt...
Expect me to be the remedy to cleanse this cursed earth...
An elitist emcee which can't be replaced, dont even consider it...
My rhymes are bitter when my lines are written on ritalin...
So heres a riddle to rap middlemen...
How can I be dope when I cant read or write?...Im illiterate...

...Respect to: SpokenOrigami, Credz, FanTa ZeE, Freeman, SMZ, Word Perfect, Born To Kill, Dev, -Able, Mag..., RaMynd, Timeless, Word Definate, Formula, Topic...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...67#post2034367
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168556

[spokenoh]

Man, I love you.

I know you keyed this up on the spot, but it evokes so many memories. Your rhymescheme, style, and voice are all fucking throwback to the glory days. Your flow I can see has changed to what would fit an audio, and would be easy to ride over a beat:

"Shatter you vertibrae an replacem' with prosthetics...
Until your entire phsycal is covered in synthetics...
My words are torturus, herbs'll get scorched on the fisrst verse...
Like a curse worse than a demon seed of a virgin's first birth...
On the verge, I emerge from cemetary soil dirt...
Expect me to be the remedy to cleanse this cursed earth..."

You had a perfect word choice, and worded your lines to flow so fluently off my tongue. Man, this is definitely nostaliagic. The metaphors, and literary terms is definitely from earlier Open Mic times:

"An the shit amazes...To see that night forever hides my face...
Days have seized...In darkness I could never guide or find my place...
Bathe in my atrocities...Theres no one that could put a stop to me...
Call it a monstrosity...This isnt what true logic speaks...
This is a demonstration of my havoc...When my demon leaks... "

The emotion was gritty, creating an atmosphere that fits your title (Dont Call It A Comeback). Imagery was just nasty, with you wreaking havoc with your words over this. It was somewhat battle rap orientated, but loaded with imagery and a powerful writer's voice. Nice to see you back man, seriously, we need you old topical heads to come back and clean this shit up.

Good luck with everything man. Peace.

[Jay Mel]

Very lots of logic and information towards the title...i liked this piece...you could have did the flow but i reached it...Otherwis it was have been sick man, word up. I liked the flow after i read it over...Dude, keep doing what you do...I like your style

[DyMoNiK]

My rhymes are bitter when my lines are written on ritalin...
So heres a riddle to rap middleman...
How can I be dope when I cant read or write?...Im illiterate
^^^sicest line

definetly feeling this drop man, real deep, nice word usage,
great overall
id rate this a 8.6/10

keep on elevating man

This isnt what true logic speaks...
This is a demonstration of my havoc...When my demon leaks...
It's hard to keep discrete...So Its time again to greet ELEETE
^^^thats hilarious man

[ELEETE]

Appreciate it...ill hit your pieces up if i havent already...Leave a link ill leave feed...

[ReNaGaDe]

My rhymes are bitter when my lines are written on ritalin...
So heres a riddle to rap middleman...
How can I be dope when I cant read or write?...Im illiterate

im with DyMoNiK on this one it was real deep i see u have feelings in ur message
the verse above is the sickest tho.....keep it up dawg...good work...

[Super Nova]

I liked this. Your flow was good to begin with, but the multies made it even better. Your vocabulary was nice, liked your choice of words. You were very descriptive, which made for great imagery. Your concept was okay. I'd like to hear this as an audio.
Good job.

[djb]

this was very nice. i liked all of the metaphors a lot of new stuff i havent heard before and you presented it in a highly logical way. many people who write these types of metaphor based pieces come very bland and dont bring anything new and they certainly dont present knowledge the way you did. i really liked this piece and i hope you are back for a while.

[Deviate]

My rhymes are bitter when my lines are written on ritalin...
So heres a riddle to rap middleman...
How can I be dope when I cant read or write?...Im illiterate

^Sick man!^

Really really nice wordplay man.. Great flow and use of metaphor and imagery. I was really impressed from the first line man. Nice work!

[G-man]

Yo, ill piece E...

Liked the whole flow all the way through, you didn't miss a beat man. I especially liked the very end...

...An elitist emcee which can't be replaced, dont even consider it...
My rhymes are bitter when my lines are written on ritalin...
So heres a riddle to rap middlemen...
How can I be dope when I cant read or write?...Im illiterate...

That shit was dope as hell! Keep it up.

By the way, love the sig!

[Foreshadow]

This was a good piece and it was real exciting. I like the flow that was good but the overall topic was real nice. I was dissapointed to see that my name wasnt on your list but thats cool I'm just kidding anyways but I liked what you said.

[MuhThugga]

"An the shit amazes..."
This part of your line seems a bit forced
Perhaps you could do a line on it's own of internal rhyme
Like:
And this shit amazes me....filling the air of this despair vacancy....you know something like that.

My words are torturus, herbs'll get scorched on the first verse...
Just so you know, "torturus" means windy and curvy.

The beginning lines were the dopest part of this piece. It seemed to fall out of structure in the middle and picked back up towards the end. All in all, the piece was decent, but I can't expect a masterpiece since you apparently just wrote it on the spot. Consider going back over the piece and rewriting some areas to make it stronger.

The end line was kind of a no brainer. Can't read or write: I'm illiterate. You were just kind of stating the obvious there for a rhyme.

[p O e T i Q u E]

Wuz really hood? Im really feelin' your style. I aint been on here but a week and you and muh thugga been the best shit i done read. Yall tha truth ill look forward to more of your work but i was overall feeling the peice and it flowed right too keep it up...

[ELEETE]

Thank you all for the feedback...Oh an nice look on the mispelling MuhThugga...I meant "Torturous" Adjective: Extremely painful...But thank you all...Glad to see you back THUGGA!!! THUGGA POINTS FOR LIFE!!!

[Foreshadow]

Heres my link I forgot to leave it..

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168828