Spiritual Asthma (Work In Progress)

[Selah David]

Heavy sighs escape my chest
At the annoyance induced by your shallow deepness
Half though out thesis
Unjustified opinions
Not backed up by facts
Your head is just swimming
Eager to get the ignorance off your chest
Polluting my spiritual body
With verbal indo smoke
Choking my lungs to hold in
All that I wanna say when
Your self righteousness stands in the way of your reflection
BLocking your vision
Upsetting my intution
Cause I know everytime your mouth opens
I know what will be said is senseless
As it was when it first popped in your head
Please think before you speak and save me the grief
OF suffering my spiritual asthma

This isnt finished but this describes a lot of you guys on here. Please think about what you are saying and putting out inot the universe because words have so much power. Tell me what yall think so far...

[Laureate]

this wa straight...finish it up tho

I like your style, altho I would like to see some multis or internals in there...a more complex rhyme scheme.also re-read your shit and check for spellin and grammar errors...write it out on a word procrssor first...keep droppin...I always like to see up and comming poetry talent

[Moniker]

This isnt finished but this describes a lot of you guys on here. Please think about what you are saying

I don't appreciate the generalizations and the somewhat condescending mannerism in this. it seems that you need to resort back to your own words at times. I understand your motives and reasons for this piece, but be careful about being quick to judge...

anyway, about the poem. it was well written. I liked the freeverse feel and sturcture. one thing I noticed is the capitilization of every line. I'm not a big fan of that, especially when it's used in a running theme but its your choice, it didnt really take away from the piece, just a personal thing I suppose. the content, even with the statement above, was meaningful and something to be considered. there was a certain flow to this, without an evident rhyme scheme that allowed for an easy read. nicely done, looking forward to more.