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Thread: Feeble Young Nigga With Lots On His Mind

  1. #1
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    Feeble Young Nigga With Lots On His Mind

    Just a feeble Young Nigga with Lots of Shit on his mind
    Only 1 rhyme and 1 time to unwind with what he feel
    Sometimes thoughts in his mind makes him suicidal and want to kill
    But still, got fantasies to die like a man rather than a soldier
    Askin Mama to save him
    feels like the whole world is on his damned shoulders
    But niggas still try to smoke him
    Comin' in front of him and his moms to fuckin' provoke him
    He try to express but everyday he wakes up like a weak little depress
    But he lives one day at a time with lots of stress and gotta keep protection and a bullet proof vest
    And he finally got a chance to get somethin in return instead of distributing

    Just a young nigga scared to look out the door cuz Niggaz may be shooting



    Yo, this is what im feeling and everything in here happens to me every fucking day and i had to do it in a damn extended metaphore........tell me how it was..

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  3. #3
    Newbie KOzS's Avatar
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    cool verse.. would've liked to see you continue that rhyme scheme you had at the start .. that was tough .. other than that this was strait.. nothing too standout, but not bad

    stay up.. and click the sig

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    ^click it^

  4. #4
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    ooook


    Uppin!

  5. #5
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    decent but simplistic and i was feelin some emotion but u gotta get more detailed.
    .One.

  6. #6
    Math0s
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    this aint bad, your vocabulary is alittle basic, but the verse is pretty personal and you deserve given credit for puttin ya personal feelings down. keep writing this type of shit

  7. #7
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    alright, nice piece. you had some alright emotion and you related it to what your life is really like, which is cool. i think the best way to write is about what you feel and whats going on in and around your life. vocab was basic, but it was alright. real original piece. keep it up...peace

  8. #8
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    Thanks my niggas, UPPIN!

  9. #9
    Word is Bond Sublime D's Avatar
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    i will give you credit...at first you started out like a gimmicky joke, but you continue to write and elevate yourself...don't stop
    Bittersweet

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