Stuck in Shallow Water (L.I. and Lyric)

[Laureate]

L.I.
As a juvenile my outlook was prude yet vile..
..to prove a trial that always caused feuds of style
I pursued the miles in hard fought troubles of strife
..and double the hype even made it a struggle at night
now I shudder at site of any white script in the mail
..just skip it and bail or try to push chips and prevail
it’s this or I fail and cause more stress this time
..depressed on wine, my judgments are suppressed by signs
caress this nine and ponder on thoughts of death
..distraught from tests, my willpower sought for rest
insults and threats could drive my mind insane
.. a blinding race, impossible to find my range
the ride was paved, now only a path to choose
.. the fastest route, to become a more status dude
and pass the news, break free of the anchor I carry
.. anger is buried, progressing social ranks while I married
thankful and caring I moved on after starting from war
.. caught in the storm, my evolution brought me to shore

Laureate
I stood knee deep in problems I created for myself
Like bad health I was sick of the shit I’d been dealt
Trouble has come and gone, but the presence still lingers
Too many to count, the world doesn’t have enough fingers
Stabbed in the back often, but never a truly deadly blow
Felt the downwards pull, wounds bleed beyond my control,
Clogged with doubt and self pity, I never fully recovered
Blind to the right route, life was gritty, hope was smothered
Every time I got a boost, my support buckled and broke
Even with nothing to lose, hope was muffled and choked
Things never looked up, and my luck never changed
Started a new game, reversing from fortune and fame
So used to it now, bad days seem practically normal
Bruises looked like diamonds, rags looked almost formal
Constant clouds over my head, Mother Nature grounded me
Invisible to eyes that see, and a nobody in society
An intrusion of a delusion, slowly suffocating me
Far from free, I was pulled further out into sea

[Pharoah.]

damn yo......... just like i said in OM... dope as fuck.....
the metaphoric line in your last line was dope as hell laurate

stay up peeps

[waterflow]

that shit was hot both of yall are real nice yall are great partners yall be murderin lines so just check out some of my threads keep ya head up

[Laureate]

thanks...upp

[HaZy]

LI
now I shudder at site of any white script in the mail

usually there are two kinds of mail

bills and junk(BAD)
and packages and checks(GOOD)

this would faLL UNDER THE packages and checks only not so 'good'
you gave good imagery with this entire verse

to me your whole verse was about a package (you) waiting to be delivered to the right scene the right life to evolve yourself through each stage

great job

LA
Constant clouds over my head, Mother Nature grounded me

to me that reminded me of 'linus' from charlie brown
poor lil sucka never got a break from that rain cloud

your verse as well was good
and descriptive

both of them combined made me sit and think back to the time in highschool reading edgar allen poe
and his troubles throughout his life and the havoc he created for himself


excellent peice gents...

9/10
haze

[Laureate]

need some feed....gotta start writing again

[NaS]

Wow, this was insainly descriptive and easily felt. Really interesting and just overall nice. My understanding is, laur is waiting for a package to be delivered to her, which doesn't have to come in the form of mail we know such as ups or an envelope, but can be an emotion to calm their thoughts. Basically, it's up to the reader to fill it in with his thought, which I think was a real interesting concept/idea. Props for that.

Also, I like how at first your simply stuck in shallow water (a small problem), and Im guessing the package in what ever form it's in didn't arrive to cure you, so your in deeper water, which is the ocean pulling you farther out. That last line simply made the whole thing worth reading. Much props

- one