In these Thick Woods

[Jeebin]

FEED PLEASE

In These Thick Woods

Twilight, starlight, into the dusk
Illuminated lovers fleeting steps
Hand in hand into thick woods
Away from pains of life, from reality

Night dwelling birds sung of sweet relief
Tall oaks closed the path of their past
Here, in thick woods
Together, eternal sighs of joy

O what eyes he looked apon!
Beauties of heaven and earth reflected in them
Her lips, still, glorified by a full bright moon
The warm breeze that danced among tips of the trees leaned over
whispering in my ear:

“Take me into your arms, into my dreams
Hold me in this perfect dark
Kiss me, here now, in these thick woods.
Be my first love, my only”

By: Mark Williams

FEED PLEASE

[FUBAR]

woa....that was good. But it would of really been better if you had a little bit
of rhyming. still, I could visualize this clearly. I liked reading it.

[Freeney]

I agree that you could have made it rhyme a little more just to make it easier to follow, but the visualization that you used was excellent in a sense that as i read your work I could depict the poem as picture in my mind.

good stuff :hail:




check out my battle below-vote for me or against me, just fairly

[TwixSin]

well first i didint like the FEED PLEASE at the top... made it look blah

but it was decent.... dont let people tell you that you need a different rhyme... look at my shit i barely ever rhyme... but word... nice peice here dude... just work on a little more vocab