The Day Of The Dead(part 1)

[Brother Blue Collar]

I wrote this when i was bored as hell if you don't get the metaphor that's okay, i say part one cuz i'll prolly get bored again


The day begins with Recess, and with the ever peaceless
noise of the joys of nature, but the jaws of torture messes
with my mind, time is no matter, as i hold to the pattern
golden in madden, or any sports game, see i'm lame, adding
to america numbers of couchpotatos, and "just say no"
commercials, are the submersibles of tv, the flow
will take ya sane mind along with the undertow, watching jag
study the laws of harmon rabb, "never date co-workers" snatching bags
of popcorns, scars within, glad that i'm in pain
trapped in the insane inane dirt plaines
to keep myself busy, i'm talking in hooks
sharpen my skills, my words walking in books
but i could not grow progress hinder by "Yugi-Oh!!!!!!!!!!!"
throwing me 2 cartoon-like animals "Thunder Cats Oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and now i got ten favorites show, this shit was killing
slowly, taking me to an unholy place with shillings
on my eyelids johnny deep style, so i died pissed
i tell you this, in the hopes you learn a lesson kids
thankz to tv and chappelle, i can say "I'm Dead Bitch"

[Brother Blue Collar]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=141859
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=141786

[Sublime D]

hmmm...this is ok...good..your flow was nice, and your structure was good...content was lacking slightly..i liked the concept and how you approached it....it was somewhat inventive...although im not sure this demonstrates the level of complexity im lookin for...

8.6/10

[Brother Blue Collar]

up again bitches

[J~BLaYze]

I think this is on a level way above my head..Maybe somethin only the writer can RELATE to..but as far as the flow it had nice transition..nice lil imagary..well keep up ..much luv 1

[Yung Face]

it was ok, had good wordplay structure was ok jus wasnt my kind of piece but keep doin ya thing and peep my drops and drop some feedback