My Face

[Neruda II]

Close down one of my other poems. It doesn't matter. God, I hate all of your fuckin' rules.

My Face
When I cry, I lose my face
And a new face is carved:
I sit at the corner of my bed
Then the despair deep within me-
becomes stronger and stronger
Finally,
Tears of burning acid scar my cheeks
They stroll down to my chest
Then my chest is scorched into a black flesh.
I can't see it, but hell knows I can feel it.
The dissonance in my screeching cries
makes my ears tremble with numbing pain.
I see crimson blood hit my white shirt
Vibrant red lines through my heart
Which causes my sadness to explode into melancholy
Rage and sorrow become fused as one
And my soul tears at itself:
Clawing, ripping, and destroying me.
Everything becomes a blur
Thoughts string together into one long trance
I fall to the unforgiving ground,
and I hemorrhage all over the floor.
I force my feeble arms to push my body up
Then I look down my cherry red nose and
I stare at myself in the trickling puddle,
The waves in the blood become hypnotic
I witness the devil with a bewildered gaze
Until the terror becomes evident
And then I begin to scream until I eventually,
run out of breath,
suffocate,
pass out,
and choke to death,
on my face..

[Bloom.Quist]

Holy fuck. Deep shit. Abstract in a way, but very detailed in another, i dont really know how to reply to this. Best freeverse i read in awhile. Good job sharp.

[Svengali]

[QUOTE=Sharp.]Tears of burning acid scar my cheeks
They stroll down to my chest
Then my chest is scorched into a black flesh.
I can't see it, but hell knows I can feel it.

I really like this part, you paint a mangled picture, but its still a great painting none the less.

And my soul tears at itself:
Clawing, ripping, and destroying me.
Everything becomes a blur
Thoughts string together into one long trance
I fall to the unforgiving ground,
and I hemorrhage all over the floor.

I like this part also, no disrespect, but I picture a couple scence from the Hellraiser movies with this part. Considering your other posts recently, I just hope everything turns out alright.
Peace

[Kaotic Theory]

dayummm

well worded piece,this was dope man,it had wonderful imagery and emotion,shit was deep,i also like the creativeness.....word nice shit

please reply to some of my poems

thanx

[Scarcasm]

this was a very expressive peice. i can understand what you are trying to say about the difficulty of expressing emotion through tears. Is there a reason that your "tears" go through metamorphosis or did you just do that to sound cool? all in all a good poem I think this shows a better grasp of emotion than most on this site. you've inspired me, I think I'm going to key style a cry poem now.

[Andrew..]

As always dopeness Sharp. The imagery was off the chain.And emotion put into this peice was decent. Good job Sharp. Keep dropping.

[shawty"B"]

awsome. purely awsome. this peice has great emotion in it that seemed as though it was something you truely felt. the imagery was good too, very well description of things in here. and this flowed out really good. great job sharp!

..........fav part...........

Tears of burning acid scar my cheeks
They stroll down to my chest
Then my chest is scorched into a black flesh.
I can't see it, but hell knows I can feel it.
The dissonance in my screeching cries

keep droppin



....bless

[Sublime D]

hmm...good...interesting...nice wordplay, great diction, excellent syntax, great job keeping the tone....simple, but good structure....potent poetry at it's finest...

Technical:
9.8/10

beautiful imargery. nice concept, well executed, the energy was maintained with excellent word choice....the piece was bolstered by it's feigned abstract style...almost allegorical....i liked it much respect

Content:
9.8/10

Overall:
9.8/10

[Neruda II]

Thanks to everyone.

If it wasn't so late, then I'd give feedback to everyone of yall's pieces.

I had a feeling this would be nominated for legends but it doesn't belong in legends. Thank you for the nomination though.

I'll make sure to give good feedback to everyone's pieces tomorrow.

EDIT:The tears stand for an extreme pain felt deep inside.

Everyone feels sad at times but people rarely feel depressed to the point where you feel as if the warmth from your tears are hot as flames that burn you.

The poem for anyone who has ever been sad or angry to a breaking point where they cry. I'm a man, and it's hard for men to talk about crying, but when I mention it in this poem, I want to show the great pain that it has on a me.

[Sublime D]

no it doesn't belong in legends...you could've done more with it....it's just better than almsot everythign else posted here...so it's in legends...

quit lookin the gift horse in the mouth

and be happy, you're in legends, you earned it

[Neruda II]

lol, no, I'm sorry you misunderstood what I wrote.

What I meant was, thanks for the nomination, but it doesn't belong it legends. Which it didn't do. I didn't make it in legends. I'm just stating that I agree with the decision of Bounce.

If Bounce says it's not good enough then I'm willing to believe him because he actually gives an explination instead of just "no legends"(as posted by C-section).

[CrhymeFyter]

this was some good crossing of words on your part. nice flow and structure. very emotional topic, deep shit. keep writing dude!

[Neruda II]

Close this.

[Sublime D]

ok...i got you...it was still a really good piece...

[Fiasco]

Close this.

Blah, then i wouldnt get a chance to post my thoughts...
I think this piece has been hyped up quite a bit and im sorry to say i dont think all of it was deserved. This piece had very good imagery and i enjoyed how twisted it was, you got the deep pain across very well but it just didnt strike me as deeply as some of my fellow poets, a good drop but far from legendary IMO
-Fiasco