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Thread: Cliche` Killers Presesnts: Black

  1. #1
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    Cliche` Killers Presesnts: Black

    Theres an eternal sunsine inside me that fell blackhole
    To corporate assholes that lack the common pastorals
    To produce a productive prime example of a portolio parody
    That would mock my innerchild that has a tendency of scaring me
    So if theres a dim of light, i want it painted black
    Because we all wear a tainted hat, thats runs with a faded cap
    And when your snoozing at night, it'll bend your bill back
    Cuz it dared to be white, if ya'll can feel that?
    Because i'll decribe my life alpha to omega with DARK
    so the ogre on my shoulder will have a real reason to spark
    And the boulder that gets older has a reason to start
    Shit with that back that keeps it eating my heart
    Theres no reason to part, people from other breeds
    I gave my paper to the pavillion to vanish my mauve
    And take along with it every advantage i sought
    i have a tendencie to roam rome with a flaming arrows tragectory
    Because i dared to be different, and the world rejected me
    Went out on the limb, of a unrooted tree
    So what goes around comes around, and that shits new to me
    I hate the moon, bring doom to the true rooter
    Becauz a black full doesnt arrive from a blue lunar
    SO PAINT IT ALL BLACK! That's my take, my retrospec
    Because you paint the world, and nobody helped me yet...

  2. #2
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    peeped lm and 2hot2handle

  3. #3
    Smoker The Joker SmokaJoka's Avatar
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    Pretty good shit....mutlis were good....flow was good...emotion was kinda off and on...but your imagery was straight also.....here's what I liked most from this....

    Quote Originally Posted by Vylint's Best Lines
    have a tendencie to roam rome with a flaming arrows tragectory
    Because i dared to be different, and the world rejected me
    Went out on the limb, of a unrooted tree
    So what goes around comes around, and that shits new to me
    I hate the moon, bring doom to the true rooter
    Becauz a black full doesnt arrive from a blue lunar
    SO PAINT IT ALL BLACK! That's my take, my retrospec
    Because you paint the world, and nobody helped me yet...
    ^^About midways to the ending...you had the most emotion....better vocabulary, flow, and multis....good thoughts and imagery...your metaphorical tongue was dope.....which is why this caught my eye....your climax in essence...


    BreakDown
    Vocabulary - Very Good
    Flow - Very Good
    Imagery - Very Good
    Emotion - Very Good
    Multis - Very Good
    Overall:
    Good shit....I felt you could've done better with this......due to some of it seemed to be rushed thoughts....overall it was a good read...and you had nice concepts and it was original...which is what matters most....


    Rating
    8.5/10

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  4. #4
    Whiiteboy Daz's Avatar
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    Ha..Good drop Mr. Arrogant.
    lol..Nah i did like this though.
    Shit was on point.
    Now im out
    i gotta go to work.
    Always Impervious an Axis Power.


    Supermod Me.

  5. #5
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    you guys suck at replying.

  6. #6
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    this was an ight verse had some good quotables also feeling the way it was all set up onpoint flow with just the right amount of multie had me into it that whole time keep doing ya thing


    be kind peep mine

  7. #7
    Label Yo
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    Ayo that was dope as fuck nate! goddamn your ill.

    shit blew my mind the way you put erything. the ender was flame-oh.

    "Theres an eternal sunsine inside me that fell blackhole
    To corporate assholes that lack the common pastorals
    To produce a productive prime example of a portolio parody
    That would mock my innerchild that has a tendency of scaring me
    So if theres a dim of light, i want it painted black
    Because we all wear a tainted hat, thats runs with a faded cap
    And when your snoozing at night, it'll bend your bill back
    Cuz it dared to be white, if ya'll can feel that?
    Because i'll decribe my life alpha to omega with DARK
    so the ogre on my shoulder will have a real reason to spark
    And the boulder that gets older has a reason to start
    Shit with that back that keeps it eating my heart
    Theres no reason to part, people from other breeds
    I gave my paper to the pavillion to vanish my mauve
    And take along with it every advantage i sought
    i have a tendencie to roam rome with a flaming arrows tragectory
    Because i dared to be different, and the world rejected me
    Went out on the limb, of a unrooted tree
    So what goes around comes around, and that shits new to me
    I hate the moon, bring doom to the true rooter
    Becauz a black full doesnt arrive from a blue lunar
    SO PAINT IT ALL BLACK! That's my take, my retrospec
    Because you paint the world, and nobody helped me yet..."


    niceness

  8. #8
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    ups

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