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Thread: ...~!Equal Reactions!~...

  1. #1
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    ...~!Equal Reactions!~...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=140931
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=140577

    Title:''Equal Reactions''
    Author:Standard

    Another worthless day assembled, I try to sleep through it
    Welcome to the day of a Poltergeist, living through colder nights
    Empty pockets, not a dime of spare change
    Hoping my life wears away, I strain to stare at the rage
    Of writing words on a page, now try to envision this day
    Wake Up,walk into my dresser when a trophy plummets on your head
    Overcoming a hangover, your stomach's as still as dead
    Grab a piece of cheesecake, turned out to be rotten
    Which resembles my mind alot, but I never picked cotton
    So you can't call me a hard-working man
    I'm like your one and only jerk at hand, I disturb my fans
    Throw the cake away, standing alone on my front step
    Emotions are a dagger through ya heart
    Ever since I woke up one day and realized my girl left
    I walked down the block to the beach where the sun kissed
    My skin, and licked the tip of my chin, blazing my wrists
    The heat Singed the hairs on my head, how do i get paid, How!?
    Tried talking to these chicks, It's like God was pointing and laughing...
    Saying, ''Yeah try and get laid now''
    I was already given my chance to shine, until I realized
    That death was around the corner, I couldn't even see it
    Even though it was stuck in my eyes
    I tried to fight the lies that I was getting evicted
    Just cuz I was convicted of armed robbery, and I've did it
    Yes I know...my chest did explode on the night of the robbery
    I said it was an allergic reaction, but the bullet was buried deep
    Gambling on my own life's lottery...maybe I was asleep
    I have no clue what the hell is going on in my life anymore
    Please someone help me!!
    Before this semi gets buried in my core...
    So I sit here in this chair with a gun in my mouth
    I spit 2 last words as the barrel rolls somehow
    ''Kill Me'' he pulls it back but nothing gets released
    And my ass is handed to me when I'm in jail for attempted suicide
    Praying to be revived


    © Standard 2004-2005

  2. #2
    La Foret Incineratedrose's Avatar
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    "Grab a piece of cheesecake, turned out to be rotten"

    ^that line made me laugh even though this isnt funny.. but yes.. i thought this was good.. seriously i didnt know you were this good... KEEP AT IT... wow.. i liked the closer to.... im serious.. that hit me.. wow.. *in shock* good job...
    MondoThugs.

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  3. #3
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    yeah not bad... interesting.... duno why you made the font so small tho, its a bit hard on the eyes...lol... and your scheme is quite different to alot in places... but content wise, yeah interesting.... good story element to it too
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  4. #4
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    Thx guys, Dev....it's about a BAD day in the life of a dude with a winding concept, he put the gun in his own mouth, and everything just has a winding concept, read it in that perspective and try and get it

  5. #5
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    i agree with dev the font was a little to small kind of hard to read made me squint really hard to read it but i did this had me interested the whole time loved the flow and loved the way it all worked out

    I have no clue what the hell is going on in my life anymore
    Please someone help me!!
    Before this semi gets buried in my core...

    fav lines

  6. #6
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    lmao, the font isnt that damn small....

  7. #7
    Talksick
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    Ayyo, check our battle Standard..

    Jesus..

  8. #8
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    hmmmm, yea...It's alright. What I really like though...is the way that you write. It's not so that your only explaining what your saying...but you basically have self conversations which shows hwo to human mind words....and i'm probably makin' no sense right now...but hopefully you understand what i'm sayin'.

    As Dev mentioned...the scheme is quite different from what i've seen...but I picked it up the 2nd time that I read the piece. Overall...Good Job. I laughed at the rotton cheesecake line too...sorry lol, just made me laugh.

  9. #9
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    "Before this semi gets buried in my core"... nice line good drop not your every day scheme and structure was diffrent... always looking for a change.....

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    ^^thanx....uppin

  11. #11
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    uppin.....

  12. #12
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    Ill Piece. I like how you talked your way through several scenes throughout the piece; from the mourning, to the beach, to the attempted suiside. Nice shit. Your storytelling and imagery were nice. The only thing I wasn't feeling was the rhymescheme. Besides that, good shit. Keep writing, homie.

    My Open Mic:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=141234

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    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  13. #13
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    Tahnx Wicked

  14. #14
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    A very interestin peice though at times hard to follow. However had some great description in there and some good word choice. Good shit.

  15. #15
    Talksick
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