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Thread: Raindrops.

  1. #1
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    Raindrops.

    A cloud of anger forms in our sky
    Blocking the sun, a predecessor to night
    And a dismal feeling approaches to everyone
    And a raindrop falls, and its landing on Anyone


    A raindrop is composed of 3 molecules and emotions
    For every person dead, there's a one in the ocean
    Because for every raindrop, sadness should occur
    Knowing there is hope, for rain makes flowers grow
    Yet Im not only talking about the rain from the sky
    Im also talking of the pain, to make rain..
    ...Fall out from your eye...
    There is no other way to show it, no human is potent
    Enough the emotions, can't be stopped from showing
    On a humans face, Tear jerks, it Really Hurts
    But holding it in, will only make the pain worse
    Then it will explode, and more pain will be caused
    The moment you gave in was the moment you lost
    So it'll add to the pain in our planets Sky...
    Because we as humans are still too small to realize
    All the pain we cause to each other, hurts to one Other
    And Jesus was also human, so soon enough He'll Cry
    But it's holy enough to Still make the Flowes grow
    But still in dismal spirit, that we still aren't Sorrowful...
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  2. #2
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Ok...

    In the introduction it had a nice flow
    I knew I would enjoy this short piece.

    But as it went on I was like eh it’s ok now,
    Not all that I was understanding it but didn’t
    Really feel it….

    But when you added this line
    “And Jesus was also human, so soon enough He'll Cry”
    See I am a Born again Christian, it made be think
    About the time Jesus died on the cross and it started
    To rain. That line definitely brought clarity to this
    Short piece because I looked at it from that
    Prospective … Well done…

    Overall this was a nice but short piece,
    Cool vocabulary and nice sentence structure.


    Peace.

  3. #3
    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    This piece wasn't too bad...the content was pretty good here...only problem that I saw was that after the introduction it kinda struggled to fine a hard point on the subject...but everythin else I believed fit nicely...great job...hit up my OM called This Night if you geta chance....thanks...

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  4. #4
    Banned
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    2 links of feedback or this gets closed, Thanks.

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