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Thread: Depression

  1. #1
    I have the biggest goddamn user title on the whole of the fucking net, your user titles pale in comparison you fucking pussies
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    Depression

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...54#post1569754
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...60#post1569760


    For every day that it worsens I'm sure my life is on purpose..
    I'm asunder going under till my head totally submerges..
    I'm certain the thunder screams my name through the rain..
    I'm enflamed to a point where even shame feels the strain..
    On a plain with my concience every day it speaks nonsense
    My hidden needs aren't allowed like I agreed to it in Convent
    I don't need to be proud I just need to be stable
    Come down from the clouds so you can eat from the table
    I'm not able to express, or suggest what will help me
    Don't know why I'm depressed or else I'd be healthy...
    Immersed in self pity.. when not preferred I've felt shitty..
    Put an end to my world I'm disturbed so come and git-me
    I'm pretty much finished.. my will's been diminished..
    Keep perfectly still and you can hear clearly my wishes...

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  2. #2
    I have the biggest goddamn user title on the whole of the fucking net, your user titles pale in comparison you fucking pussies
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    uppin............................................. ..

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  3. #3
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Sunset Boulevard.... That was a nice piece........
    I was feeling it on the aspect of Depression..
    Flow was nice.. Imagery was good and you got
    your story across nicely...

    I don't need to be proud I just need to be stable
    Come down from the clouds so you can eat from the table
    I'm not able to express, or suggest what will help me
    Don't know why I'm depressed or else I'd be healthy...
    Nice lil section ..

    Overal a Tight Drop...

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  4. #4
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Ok..

    Short piece...
    but nicely written.
    You expressed yourself pretty well.
    Using somewhat nice metaphor..

    "For every day that it worsens I'm sure my life is on purpose..
    I'm asunder going under till my head totally submerges..
    ^ was kina good expressed yourself well.

    I'm certain the thunder screams my name through the rain.."
    I'm enflamed to a point where even shame feels the strain..
    ^ The last two lines were nice...espeically the thunder and
    rain line

    You showed emotion ok vocabulary
    was a nice piece but too short...


    peace

  5. #5
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    nice shit man. Emotional and a good read. Flowed very well and multi's sounded awesome and fitted in perfectly. I was feelin' this man, it was some VERY good shit, like Bio said, probably would have been better if it was a bit longer but it got its topic across well. Some very nice vocab used, very impressive stuff!!

    Fave part:

    For every day that it worsens I'm sure my life is on purpose..
    I'm asunder going under till my head totally submerges..
    I'm certain the thunder screams my name through the rain..
    I'm enflamed to a point where even shame feels the strain..


    /\ /\
    I thought it was a really good opener

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  6. #6
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    yeah.. seems better than it did the first time i read it, it seemed decent then tho too...lol..... i liked the internals you threw in, it broke it down a bit... good flow... the topic was nice too... not too heavily done... and i thought the very last line was dope....
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  7. #7
    I have the biggest goddamn user title on the whole of the fucking net, your user titles pale in comparison you fucking pussies
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    thx a lot peeps anymore feedback? i might try a bit more of this Open Mic malarky

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  8. #8
    MistakenFacts
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    first off big up for bieng an english mc if you ever wanna collab on a text pm me second this was a short, but dope piece im feelin it

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=138928

  9. #9
    I have the biggest goddamn user title on the whole of the fucking net, your user titles pale in comparison you fucking pussies
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    ^that is the shortest.. worst piece of feedback EVER....

    all you actually said about it was "dope piece I'm feeling it" ...

    so for that.. no.. i wont do a collab ...na na naaa naaaaaah!

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  10. #10
    MistakenFacts
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    damn kid all i was sayin is i was feel it but if you need me to get into is i thought it open nice indeed and
    I don't need to be proud I just need to be stable
    Come down from the clouds so you can eat from the table
    was a sick line and very true

  11. #11
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    Nice little piece here man.. enough emotion to suit me.. flow was nice.. some internals, liked that man.. multi`s were very nice, helped the flow and the piece moved right along.. the last line was ill.. props.. albeit a short piece.. the expression was good man.. so you made feel what you were writing despite the length of it.. more props for that.. keep dropping man, i`d like to see more.. Pz.

    Return the Favor compadre - http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=138957

  12. #12
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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    Not a bad drop. I had to read it twice.
    The first time was so I could get the vibe
    And then the second time so I could test..
    ..the emotional status, the flow, and what not
    Overall.. I thought it was a nice, interesting read
    Keep it up com. Haven't seen you drop open mics before

  13. #13
    guererouscg
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    yo, that was some good shit, you made me feel like I was talking about my self, thats how much emotion you put into it. Stayed on topic and had a complete and strong continous flow. I also like it cause it was dark, for the underdawgs. Keep poppin that shit!

  14. #14
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    Com a real nice drop this is the 2nd thing Ive read from you and Im inpressed because you pretty much just battle. You had good description in this piece which gave it a real nice feel to it even though you were depressed in the piece. I was feeling your rhyme scheme and structure but I feel you cut yourself short on the ending a little bit.

  15. #15
    I have the biggest goddamn user title on the whole of the fucking net, your user titles pale in comparison you fucking pussies
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    uppinn

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