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Thread: ~~~All Alone~~~

  1. #1
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    ~~~All Alone~~~

    all alone in his closet of bones,,he stays at home tryin to compose a tone,,make a song,,take a break and bake a bong,,his hate is strong,,people makin fun,,takin guns and make em run,,usin force tha kids been abused of course,,a muse his source for pot,, he smokes alot,, he trys not to remember,, right around december in tha winter bitch is bitter,, dreams of hittin triple hitters,,not tha ball but tha cranium,,steadily stays stainin em,,mary jane is drainin him,,he stays maintainin son,,people still bullyin after high school,,if u gonna kill em u gotta use tha right tool,,hes gotta fight fool,,labled weird,, a fabled queer,, so he couldnt take it,, took tha vile to break it,,drank it now hes shakin,,fry his mind while bakin,,didnt know it was acid,,reality he cant grasp it..


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  2. #2
    *Daughter of 00* DthsMissingAngel's Avatar
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    Sounds familiar, maybe its just me, or having friends like that. This was a good read. I think that it coulda been a little better flow-wize if you would have broken up the big long paragraph. But it was still good. Imagery was great along with the emotion. Overall, I liked it. Keep up.

    *(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
    «´¨`·..* SwEeT PeA *..·´¨`»
    *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)*

  3. #3
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    thanks for tha replies uppin^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


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  4. #4
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    still uppin^^^^^^^^


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  5. #5
    Banned Civilized Rebel's Avatar
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    Could you please do something about your signature? That scrolling thing is bugging shit.

  6. #6
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    uppin


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  7. #7
    Word is Bond Sublime D's Avatar
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    stop upping, no one's gonna reply tonight...just let it go, come back tommorrow...


    ok i read it...

    this was very very simple, the flow was ok, it's kind of a weak rap, i hate the paragraph sturcture and the repitition....emotion was weak, imagery was weak...this was basic...you must be a beginning poet..keep elevatin ...

    5.2/10
    Last edited by Sublime D; August 21st, 2004 at 12:20 AM
    Bittersweet

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