PrimeTime Death

[Brother Blue Collar]

Fuck atleast i get to die an awesome death
vexed and beaten by cops that's the cost of breath
round here it's bleek in memphis' poor surroundings
when the cops raid and johnny law surrounds rings
of druglords but this time that is not the case
a young basketball star was shot in the face
but that's nothing because last week this kid was
handcuffed and maimed from beatings cuz his crib was
where the dealers chilled and he was just 13
there were more after him he was just the third teen
in the past 2 months i'm older scared to death
we'll be gone cuz black folk are impaired to sex
at the rife rate their will be no trace of us
Sharpton and Cochran couldn't even win this case for us
Years passed now i lived to me 21 cops
leave me alone cuz i'm one of them now gun shots
chimes in and ruin my trip down memory lane
my face ached, my legs stopped memories of pain
flooded my mind and then ceased but they were not mine
i ran two more blocks to the scene of the crime
saw a man getting his ass whipped by the cops
i ran over to help and here comes pain i drop
to my knees wish that all this shit was a dream
brisk kicks to my mid-section this was the dream
i realized then that the kids shot and beaten
i was them that on my mind i went to heaven

i'll give the links in a minute

[Brother Blue Collar]

links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=133412
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=132794

[+Danny Ocean+]

This was decent. I see where you're coming from. The cop thing is kinda played but you workied with it and made it not half bad. The thing that really turned me off was your structure. Next time put some punctuation in there and stucture the lines so it flows smoothly. I couldnt get into your piece because it was so hard to read. besides all that it was decent. Keep it up.

Can u reply to my OM in my sig? thanx.

[Chris Black]

This was cool. The flow was straight, exept rhyming dream and dream. STorytelling was cool throughout the piece. Emotion was aight. Overall, this was pretty decent. Keep up the good work, homie.

My Open Mic: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=133021

[Brother Blue Collar]

thankz y'all still upping this shit man let's go

[Disturbed]

Decent Piece,Straight Flow,Great Imagery,Structure Was Coo Could've Been Betta,OVerall It's A Nice Piece But You Can Still Elevate

[((.D.O.C.))]

pretty good
not 2 serious, or deep
but i liked it

[Brother Blue Collar]

another upping to make it soar to the skies or sumthing like that

[Brother Blue Collar]

come on man what's sup with the feedback

[_Crisis_]

It was coo I felt u on the concept thats real talk somebody said ya rhymin was a lil
off i agree but that was minor but overall it was coo

[Gùårdíäñ Åñgèl]

damn this was gay

[DALC]

hey yo this pieace was pretty cool dawg
p.s.fuck you gurdian angel and your 1 line of negative shit you say on every post

[Brother Blue Collar]

sum more feed would be good here so i'mma up this for a while

[Hybrid]

Well ma boy, good shit i liked your flow and topic although i've seen it been done before, still none the less, i can see you elevateing soon in front of my eye's. Start topical battling and you'll earn wins that you deserve. good shit overall needed improovements: vocab, multi's, and structure. but keep at it man, and your intelligence will shine through. peace


p.s- Hit my open mic up just look in my signature.

[Johnny 6-feet]

good concept, wicked strong multis and flow all the way through this, solid enough imagery and vocab. actually this would make a good short audio if you got a mic and beat for this, maybe "street dreams". anyway, you've got skills and it shows i think you should up your vocab a little for your next piece.

keep on posting.