Not So Easy

[shawty"B"]

This is a word not so easily said
I write this sitting with a gun to my head
looking back at everything everyone told me
I hate you all cause now i can see
Seeing all your lies, and all my cries
Waiting for the sun to shine thru my skies
I look at how many times you told me to look
I glance at your lives, fairy tales from a book
The real world world is a bit more complicated
I've been sized up, and I've been contemplated
Nothing in the world right now can keep me here
No one will ever make me shed another tear
So sick of crying, because inside, im dying
Working so hard to stay, I'm sick of trying
Im ready to go on paper I hope my blood splatters
I hope your dreams all break and shatter
Discriminate against cause the way my mind goes
All cause you don't know my mind has opposite flows
I flow all of this from my mouth to pen so easily
The one feeling everyone neglects to look and see
Aound everyone of you, I don't know how to act
So I show you who Im not, holding emotions back

To My True Angels

Im so sorry that it has all ended like this
To all of you I give a single hug and a kiss
None of you need to worry about where Im goin'
Its the right place, that's all you need be knowin'
It hurts cause i miss you all so much already
But now i hold this gun ever so steadily
Though I cut my life short, Thank You
For letting me be me, and letting me be true
Thank You for picking me up every time I fall
You've been there for me, through it all
Thanks for gettin' me up to hold my hand
Just to show me how to walk across the land
When Im gone, look at the sky when its blue
Think & remember or memories, so many but too few

A Last Word

Having said my sorries to all of those who care
In my eyes I know theres a pain, but I cant dare
I can't let anyone help me get up this time
'Cause I want to suffer this suicidal crime
Writting this, I know theres tears to be cried
Its been said, but its not so easy to say goodbye
I want to stay, but my goodbyes have been said
Now I'm gonna pull the trigger, so close to my head

[Mesmerize]

This poem portrayed such emotion, you made me feel what you were saying. Very good job. I loved this even though it was such a sad theme.....hope this was more of a poem for people to relate to rather than you actually meaning this. Like I said, this was dope....hope to read more from you...

I would like for you to read this......It's a poem about hope and coping with things
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=131210

[shawty"B"]

thanks...will do

[Neruda II]

The message is clear of a person writing their goodbye letter for their suicide. I'm not sure if it's actually you thats narrorating the letter or a character but it was done very well. A sad story, a person who doesn't want to go completely but in their mind, they see it as the only way out. Their heart is not that of hatred or of spite, but alot of love for the people that they care about. There is some sort of "higher knowledge" that the speaker has. She(or he) knows what she wants and what she's talking about. She(or he) wants the reader to know that she's serious and not to mourn too much about the incident, and wants the reader to know that she cares alot. Pretty good message and topic.

I'm glad to see that you've elevated in rhyme scheme and flow. You tried using multies in alot of the lines and in almost all of em, it worked very well. You have to try to make more of the lines have multies, it kind of throws the flow off if only a couple of lines contain multiple rhyming words and the others don't. Tone was great, I felt that the strongest thing in this piece was the "voice" or the speaker. The was things were said was great, brought a very akward feel to the poem. A feel of happiness and no regrets. Emotion was good, I think almost perfect for the poem, I just felt that the strange variations of emotion took away from the depressing and sad points of the piece, still good non the less, made it original. Overall, good tone, good piece. up the vocab and structure and it would have been great. Keep writing you're always elevating.

[shawty"B"]

thanks...can i get summore feed back on this

....bless

[aSap iLL]

The message is clear of a person writing their goodbye letter for their suicide. I'm not sure if it's actually you thats narrorating the letter or a character but it was done very well. A sad story, a person who doesn't want to go completely but in their mind, they see it as the only way out. Their heart is not that of hatred or of spite, but alot of love for the people that they care about. There is some sort of "higher knowledge" that the speaker has. She(or he) knows what she wants and what she's talking about. She(or he) wants the reader to know that she's serious and not to mourn too much about the incident, and wants the reader to know that she cares alot. Pretty good message and topic.

^^I have to agree... nice topic.. really loved the emotion's the person spekin in the stories know's what she wants and really is driven to do so..the flow was hot ,and the delivery was great .. nice job overall shawty"B" :thumbsup:

[shawty"B"]

thanks rapid...

[shawty"B"]

uppin

[Diminix]

The poems do show alot of emotion. They were all great but to me To My True Angels
was the deepest. Don't know why. I read your other one, you're pretty good.

[rule]

You've elavated a lot in the poetry section..you're very activer and respond to a lot of pieces...congrats

Anyways....this as one of your best pieces..great emotion...i'd try and use more metas though cause you write really well meas will only make it more enjoyable. You started off kinda slow...but picked up after every line...which was great..i'd like to collab with you in the future....get at me if you're willing to.

[Foreshadow]

Nice job on this I was feeling the raw emotion. But I feel that you lacked in some details. Your imaginary was decent which helped this piece out. Im glad to see the P.S. getting active. Nice drop.

[shawty"B"]

thanks everyone and ill get at yah in a little bit eclapt....

can someone do me a favor and check this one out....

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=133596