Girl

[Civilized Rebel]

Girl

It's about music, They call her derogiTori
The meaning is demeaning Can you hear her screaming?
So how you feeling? How are you dealing?
Knowing that her skin has been peeling
Away at all the answers that we derogitoryize
Lies invain into your brain through your souless eyes
Crys, heard up in the skys
God forsaken and God denys
Goddess of the weather goddess of the leather
Holding you for ever so breathe better
Better than me like you always seem
Always dream always mean to me to demean
To degrade the flunking grade I made
I invade the thoughts that you laid upon me
If you don't care, why should I bother?
If you don't care, why should I bother?
If you don't care, why should I bother?
If you don't care, why should I bother?
If you don't bother, why should I care?
If you don't bother, why should I care?
If you don't bother, why should I care?
If you should bother, why don't I care?
She's been everyone else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
She's been everyone else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
She's been everyone else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Or maybe she'll just die trying
It's more important to be free than happy
But happy is subjective, I'm happy when free
To be glad I'm able to move when I can
But how can I move what I've never had?
So how should I end this? Happy I've left home
Someday that girl will be her own

It's just one thing I love women too much
Just to love them, just to touch them, would mean so much
Not sexual, emotional, not mindful, not physical
Just the epitome of everything that I bleed
Calling, the spirits of every leaf that is
Falling, from gravity's depravity's of this thing
Reality, such a fallacy that means absolutely
Nothing to me, don't you see, you mean to me...
Revolutions of a world gone past
Convultions of a lunch that won't last
All confusion as I'm sipping my glass
Poison... and then my brain blasts
Revolutions because I can not change her
Evolutions descendent brings mother in danger
Insinuations that I might not be an angel
Incineration because I bathe inside of hell
Well, I can't explain to anyone what's inside me
Anymore than you can explain sub-atomical science
And if you're atom surgeon than tell me this
How many lives does it take to bake music?
How many times can you take it and use it?
How many times can you use it and abuse it?
How many times can you abuse it and lose it?
Before you realize that music is a woman?
Eight more lines before I can end this
Summary of my life, I'm looking to end this
If I truly had nothing to live for then I would
But give me purpose and only upon then I would
Would you do the same realizing your identiy?
Don't shed from me, I'm an eternal sentry
Wether you like it or not I will fucking kill you
Because music, damn I love you

[Bloom.Quist]

Hm, diverse feelings on this poem...Overall Very imaginative thoughts about such a simple thing...I Applaude you

Topic: At first glance, looked like another love poem about a woman, but as i read that thought rearranged with how well you wrote this. 'Girl', one word, yet you expressed so much toward it. A very nice style you have on writing to a certain topic. I think your title fit your piece perfectly.

Imagery: Eh, didnt see much, but it didn't really need it. But imagery can always help. Try to boost the poem up by describing what things looked like in immense detail. How people were feeling at certain moments.

Structure : Only thing i do not really consider a factor of poetry, for it is not how you write about, but how you feel about it

Writing Style: Only thing i thought u might want to take out of this is where u repeated one or 2 sentances.

"If you don't care, why should I bother?
If you don't care, why should I bother?
If you don't care, why should I bother?
If you don't care, why should I bother?
If you don't bother, why should I care?
If you don't bother, why should I care?
If you don't bother, why should I care?
If you should bother, why don't I care?
She's been everyone else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
She's been everyone else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
She's been everyone else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own"

Seemed to take away from the piece itself. I advise just saying it once, but if u really feel emotion about that line that much, then repeat as many times as u wish...

A friendly critique for you my poetic friend, elevate, and keep writing. You have a great way of expressing emotion through words...