Fallen

[Nos-T]

i fell from the clouds of heaven an was spat outa' hell. thrown from both realms, i was planted on the surface of this planetary cell. only known as the one called the fallen, because i had no true known callin'. now here walkin' among these oaks, pines an elms, concrete builds, an concrete streets. only sixteen, but i was never lifted up off my feet. livin' among these shadows to shy to try an show whats under the flesh package, to shy to show them what heaven dismayed an what hell hurled to this cell an everlast cage.

[LadyWun]

It started out really wonderful, but then it got a little hazy. One main thing is the
fact that you don't use proper spelling so it kind of takes away from it. Towards the
end it started to pick back up. Your usage of vocabulary was pretty well done
except for all the "typo's", your structure could use a little work on it.. it was
to crammed together in parts of the piece.

fav parts...

" i fell from the clouds of heaven and was spat out of hell...

-planted on the surface...

to shy to try and show whats under the flesh package"

all in all its a 6.5 leaning on a 7.

[Bloom.Quist]

Not bad. Make ure strucutre a lil better tho man. The emotion was way too simplistic. And you can only post 1 poem a day. So will someone close 2 of the 3 he posted please?

[Nos-T]

thnx fo the input, this was the first poem ive written in awhile an ill fix it up. i dont realy kno much bout poetry so, proly like much ppl here, ive had to learn from trial an error

[~Guru~]

yeah fix tha structure

but other than that i thought it was dope
i liked the begining alot started to fall off at the end but overall it was a solid piece

[Spoken]

like said structure.

vocab, mostly spelling has to be worked on, and slang doesnt usualy help a piece of any really. its a piece that can be expanded on, given more detail, more information really. rhyme scheme is choppy in spots too.

T

[aSap iLL]

not bad , for a newb, really need to work on the structure it really made evrything seem squished together
fav line was fell from the clouds of heaven an was spat outa' hell. thrown from both realms, i was planted on the surface of this planetary cell. only known as the one called the fallen, because i had no true known callin'

i really loved the begging but it started to get shaky in the middle but it really pcked up.. overall i really like it , suprised me becuase it was by a newb but overall good job

[Nos-T]

thnx, ya im not realy shur how structure shoud be done

[Lyriclesolja]

Yo it was an alright post
strong at first but weak in the end
yo try to shorten the sentences because through most of it
i really couldent tell what the rhymin word was
so on a level of 1-10 10 being some sick shit
it was about a 6 1/2
it would have been better if i would have known what the rhymin word was.