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Thread: >>>ETERNITY OF REGRETS/SWEET OBLIVION<<<

  1. #1
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    >>>eternity Of Regrets/sweet Oblivion<<<

    An eternity of regrets.........
    an eternity of lost prospects
    a bill-i-on debts to urself that cant be paid
    theres no similar depth to pain that cant be paved
    enslaved, in reoccurring situations
    tastin, the sweetness of sleep
    were we can be oblivious........
    to anything remotely serious
    protected by a blanket of darkness, seemingly spiritual
    till the black's abruptly tugged away and realitys visible
    the panic is terrible, as he hurriedly calculates the evidence
    tense with frustration and totally de-pen-dant
    allowing,......................................... .......
    his body to drop from slouching ...................
    to lying,with his back flat on the wet pavement,
    looking skywards in an unconsciously pensive statement
    straining, to remember,
    but what?...............he cannot remember
    as sunlight sneaks through the clouds it catches a pendant
    in the corner of squinting eyes he sees the light reflecting
    the mans hand is flung to the side...................
    retreiving the pendant and looking inside
    he sees a familiar face and the faces bride
    he recognizes the face,and faces his former self
    how much the face has changed to show his deteriating health
    throwing the pendant as far as his weakened arms could carry
    throwing away his life,his troubles, his memory and his marriage
    the man turned to a half empty tablet bottle
    closed his unfocused eyes and swallowed the contents...............................
    .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ......................
    Last edited by Morbid Manner; May 1st, 2004 at 06:20 PM

  2. #2
    Be Safe!!! Lingwistik's Avatar
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    i see the message not bad, a shit load of vocabulary in there, well thats what i think,, but its good, flow was pretty good,, yah the message was good and the imagery was good, good story and its deep, loox like you put emotion into it

    keep it up

    and leave sum feedback on mine
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=127135

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  3. #3
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    Need a link to a open mic that you left feedback on man.

  4. #4

  5. #5
    class of '03 Wakiyan's Avatar
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    Wasn't feeling it. Reads to me like straight up reverie. Your lines are uneven the verse doesn't flow at all. This would be more suitable for PS. You got potential though. In the future even out your lines more and add some metas or more clever wordplay. That'll make your pieces more interesting to read.
    we are what we are, what we never think we are.

  6. #6
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    thanks for the feedback but i meant it to be poetic, i posted in PS. aswell.
    i posted here so i could get double the feedback.

  7. #7
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    uppin 4 feedback.......................................... ............................................
    leave op links an ill get bac at ya

  8. #8
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    uppin .................................................. .................................................. .........leave links an ill get bac at ya

  9. #9
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    yeah it was aight good flow
    good vocab
    message and imagery was pretty good
    overall nice drop

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