Pressure

[FUBAR]

Alright, I really tried hard to make this one Have Four things:Structure,emotion,length,and most of all Vocab.Tell me what ya think:


I can't take it anymore,
All of these damn sores,
I want to express myself,
Not depress my love,

All of this abundance has to go,
I'm not tryin to make this a show,
I just can't find myself to say,no,
I don't want to make no enemies,

This sort of tendancy is Pressure,
I feel like I'm stuck in a ticking box,
With out no damn lock to break,
Even though I search desperatly,

I then manage to find an open spot,
Yet, I feel no need to leave,
My emotions are mixed up like colored dots,
Why can't I just get out while I can?

Time sets in, leaving me stuck in a den,
Here comes the pressure again,
I can do this, I have to do this,
I say what I truly feel, expressed in motion,

All of my feelings burst out like an explosion,
My emotions are now in phisical motion,
I finally surpassed the pressure,
And now, that bridge is destroyed,

[Mistral]

You need to reply to another open mic and leave the link to it in here or this gets closed, Thanks.

[SMZ]

umm - you succeeded with the structure and emotion - had average length and vocab was merely decent - didn't really notice anything that stood out in that regard - flow seemed a little odd - your best point was the emotion - keep dropping though and elevating - hit my Breathless or SS: Black & White

[FUBAR]

Okay, I'll do that.








Here the link:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=122936

[FUBAR]

any one else?

[Wise Ways]

That was aight..nice flow..good message
Sounded pretty personal..

This sort of tendancy is Pressure,
I feel like I'm stuck in a ticking box,
With out no damn lock to break,
Even though I search desperatly

^That was my favorite part

Good piece, simple and good

[lunatic]

I see u got better ur doing better than I did when I started keep it up

[FUBAR]

woa...

[GFunk]

this was an ok piece... like the others said, you got emotion the bag... flow was wierd... some of the rhyming points took too long, and then you went to short, and returned.... seemed very personal, and i give you props for that. Vocab isn't a major factor imo, but it was decent in here i guess... try adding multis, diversify your flow.... but overall, it was good for a newbie i guess....

return the favor and hit either "Losing Grip of Faith" or "What We'll Dare when The Gov. Doesn't Care" if you have tha time, holla

[lyrical_killer]

ok........ aI liked the structure , and the way you worded it...............but............. try and keep me more interested and shit , mabey use a few more multiz ......... just keep spittin man