BEST SHIT YET don't sleep!!!!!

[Beano]

--This shit is killing me in side, but I gotta stay strong
I can’t run and hide, I gotta go on
I know now Mark that you’ll always be gone
But I got a son in my life and I gotta move on--

It’s been almost 2 months now, ya know I got tatted with your name?
It's got your D-o-B and your D-o-D, So I’ll know when you left and when you came.
Feels like just yesterday we were sortin out our problems
I feel the same way, cept I don’t got you helping me to solve em
But you’re upstairs now, smokin in peace
I wish this pain inside me would come to a cease
Cuz I got school man, you know college is goin well
And my son’s getting big, should be walkin soon but its hard to tell
I’m tryin to do some walkin of my own
Cuz I had a support system, but apparently it was on loan
Why the fuck did they take you and not me
Coulda been any1 else Mark, what about that bitch Nancy
I shouldn’t say that-- I wish death on no man, white or black
When it comes down to it, fuck man I just want my friend back

--This shit is killing me in side, but I gotta stay strong
I can’t run and hide, I gotta go on
I know now Mark that you’ll always be gone
But I got a son in my life and I gotta move on--

All I can do is remember the good times we had
Thing is Mark that even those make me sad
Cuz everytime I think of you it cuts me up on the inside
Starts makin me wish that I was the one who died
Things have changed a whole lot since you've been gone
It's funny how life never stops, it just keeps goin on
Samantha has been there for me, she's my new best friend
If she sticks around for a while, I think these wounds will mend
I haven't talked to Erica, she's nothing but a fiend
Oh and the Autopsy report came back, you od'd on morphine
You know that bitch told me you had a heart attack
Then I found out the truth, that was a kick in the sack
Those were her drugs man, she ruined your life
I woulda killed the bitch if she hadn't been your wife
I hope she's tortured inside and she never lets go
But she's a selfish bitch, a remorseless ho
It doesn't matter though cuz it wouldn't bring you back
No matter what happens, forever, a friend like you I will lack

--This shit is killing me in side, but I gotta stay strong
I can’t run and hide, I gotta go on
I know now Mark that you’ll always be gone
But I got a son in my life and I gotta move on--

[Beano]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...highlight=beano
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...highlight=beano

I would really like some feedback on this. I will be happy to hit up your shit just lemme know........

[Beano]

upinnnnnnnnnnn, just lookin for some feedback

[Mistral]

Links Dont Work.

[The Beat Mod]

it was ok...liked how it had a meaning atleast..perhaps a more complex rhyme scheme or sumthin would make it sound better?...i dunno, can't really point out wats wrong with it...but sumthin ain't right...

You needa reach deep down inside ya heart, take a chunk of it...throw it on page, and start writin bout watever u see.

it was ok.

[SMZ]

Decent emotional content - Flow was pretty good but could use a more complex scheme - a few lines seemed misplaced like the "white or black" line just didn't really seem to fit - explained the story part alright - work on your vocab a bit - it helps using rhymes that people haven't seen often - about 85% of yours was just "lack" and "back" etc. - that's one reason to use multis - essentially it's like using a different word - ok overall - just noting some areas for improvement - hit my Breathless or SS: Black & White - peace

[GFunk]

^word, use more multis.. it gets too simple and repetitive if u don't(Unless u use a complex vocab).. concept was nice, but nothing original.... the chorus was alright.... it flowed ok, try using internals to help make longer lines flow better.... and like how there was actual meaning between the lines.... overall, this was an alright piece i guess, much to be improved, but once done, it should be hot..... return the favor and post in my Losing Grip Of Faith