Symmetrical Rose

[Neruda II]

...............................

[..:: SpOrTzDiScIpLe™::..]

um...
overall pretty..good...
...good rhymes...
...nice flow...
....descent mood...
....good feelin....
...stayed on topic...
overall rating...7/10

[Spoken]

such a touching poem really, it has that sorta feeling to it, like pure love emotion i mean, it seems so real, and just there, i dunno how to put it. at first when you started with the whole rose thing i was augh this whole rose and prick thing, but man you sure got me on this one, like i loved this, it was different and unique, while describing an emotion we all feel and write about, but you still managed to keep on top of things and keep it fresh. i found it got deeper as it went, and it kept drawing me in more and more as i read, i like the ending the best, but the whole thing had this amazing feeling to it really. thou try to work on the vocab and line structure.

i'll be checking up on your pieces from now on coz this one has me hooked.

feel free to check my piece " evil beauty"

T

[Neruda II]

Uppin this piece, sure its a long read but i think its very interesting. will ya give feedback if i say please?

[shawty"B"]

i like this alot, git gives off reel gud imagery. the emotion is real in this...(the emotion shows that who ever your talking to, you loved them very much with all of your heart and now ur lettin them now that the love you have will never go away)... this flows off reely well and its a reely gud read, its wurth it to take the time and just read...

..........fav part.........

you cant see the thorns deep in the garden
as we speak the thorns keep trying to harden
you'll pick up the rose with a careless touch
then you'll get pricked and lose your clutch
Oh please dont get the rose dirty or bruised
Dont complain about the pain that you choose
Hold tight to the rose because it is beautiful
Admire its beauty and know that its masterful
your eyes are kept together by its lipid petals
but the petals burn your hand like liquid metals

keep droppin
return tha favor

....bless

[FUBAR]

I was really feeling that poem!

Great job. (Is a newb)

No really, I felt that poem.

[Neruda II]

Uppin. Yeah, Imagery was one of the factors that I tried to concentrate on, emotion was the other. Structure and rhyme were not in mind.

[Dirty Sanchez]

your eyes are kept together by its lipid petals
but the petals burn your hand like liquid metals

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sick line man. For me, that was the best line of the poem.
imagery and meta's were deep and delicious like mcCain superfry's lmao
but yeah it was overall dope and nothing out of the ordinary for you cuz all of ur pieces are great. Keep this up man, your a legend in the making.

[Neruda II]

Thank you DS. Your words are inspiring and makes me want to keep writing. I hope one day I can become a legend. I hope I elevate to the level that when I write only pure emotion gets recorded in my words. Even though I think your the only person that feels that "strongly" about my work, it still motivates me knowing that at least one person thinks that much of my work. Thank you.