Black and White (All Alone Pt. 2)

[Fresh]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...0&page=2&pp=15


My thoughts are vaccumed through ears like water through windows,
Thousands of feet in depth my images portrayed through subliminal lingos,
If they understood me I could at least dream of releasin singles,
But my cerebral thoughts and people don't mix like babys and dingos,

I can't grasp onto the fact these people don't have a clear vision,
I can't count how many times I go into depth like division,*
I'm all alone with my concepts that are fucking deep like incisions,
So artists of RB.. Open your ears and get ready to listen,


HooK
Its hard to strive when motivation is missin,
Soon I'll be on 'top' when my spirits have 'risen',
That'll be when people realize they are what this isn't,
Then they'll start to ride my dick like bitches in prison,


Their feeble minds were unable to recognize my knowledge,
Some of these retards are even going to make it too college,
My plans of starting a hip hop shop were discretely abolished,
Cause rap was a trend.. and skill was not easily acknowledged,

Their memory's are hazy.. And all they've experienced was my sickness,
Thinkin its a disease.. Their brain needs some serious fitness,
But here I am now proving my worthiness at RB with God as my Witness,
Maybe they'll be able too see I'm original like starting a business,

Here I am now with my trend of originality I'm leading,
Not the first to do it but at least I notice skill when I'm reading,
My thoughts no longer dead like they suddenly stopped bleeding,
I'm going thru emotions fast like eating and I'm not even feeding,


HooK ----> X2
Its hard to strive when motivation is missin,
Soon I'll be on 'top' when my spirits have 'risen',
That'll be when people realize they are what this isn't,
Then they'll start to ride my dick like bitches in prison,




This is about the people in my hometown, who think they can rap, when they really can't.. Just big headed faggets that stick together.. I'm the only true artist.. All my friends in this down arent rappers.. Their rap lovers, or rockers.. Rappers here, which are limited, are gay and herbish.. Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed..

[SMZ]

Good vocab, Flow was decent, felt your first four lines the most. Having a hook felt a little odd since the piece was kinda short for one. Liked the topic - I've touched on similar things before - so I'm interested in it. Keep writing. I had some ideas about the title but I was wondering what exactly you intended to convey with it? Explain if you feel like it and see this...

EDIT: ahh... black & white TV... now I am understanding... thnx.

[Fresh]

The concept of this osng is that people in my town don't understand where Im comin from, or they to stupid too understand indepth pieces.. They more like the "Ill shoot you with my gat/ My pimped out jewlery is phat/"

Shit like that ya know?

You cant see shit as well on a black and white TV..

So thats the idea, black and white because they cant see what I'm all about n shit.. Feel Me? Thanks for the feed.
Pz.

[Fresh]

Upping............................................

[Fresh]

Upping............................................

[ELEETE]

After I read your reply Fresh I had a better understanding of what you were talking about...You had a great Idea...I was feeling it...You may be new but you have talent i see it and its there...its just a matter of time for your elevation to proccess...

My plans of starting a hip hop shop were discretely abolished,
Cause rap was a trend.. and skill was not easily acknowledged,

Those lines are so true...Its sad really when heads dont acknowledge skill...They follow a trend...Until it gets old you know? Ive been exactly where you at...I just kept spittin an eventually got recognized...Thanks to Penskills for seein what i was about...But you have feeling...I can see you doing great things down the road...Peace....

Hit the link in my sig...Thats like one of my latest...Not sure if youve played the game or not but feedback is appreciated...Thanks....Keep wirting...

[Fresh]

Thanks alot eleete.. Appreciate it.. Im glad to see someone that can relate..

Ill hit your shit up man. Pz.

[Fresh]

Upping

Leave links I'll hit them.. You all know you want me too..

[Fresh]

Upping .................. Leave links to your pieces.......

[Mag...]

My thoughts are vaccumed through ears like water through windows,
Thousands of feet in depth my images portrayed through subliminal lingos,
If they understood me I could at least dream of releasin singles,
But my cerebral thoughts and people don't mix like babys and dingos,

I can't grasp onto the fact these people don't have a clear vision,
I can't count how many times I go into depth like division,*
I'm all alone with my concepts that are fucking deep like incisions,
So artists of RB.. Open your ears and get ready to listen,
^^the lines seemed a bit stretched... if you use some alliteration or flip you phrasing a bit.. it will roll of the tongue more... and yea... won't seem stretched...a little heavy handed with the metaphors and such... I like subtlety...

HooK
Its hard to strive when motivation is missin,
Soon I'll be on 'top' when my spirits have 'risen',
That'll be when people realize they are what this isn't,
Then they'll start to ride my dick like bitches in prison,
^^a little clownish but alright...

Their feeble minds were unable to recognize my knowledge,
Some of these retards are even going to make it too college,
My plans of starting a hip hop shop were discretely abolished,
Cause rap was a trend.. and skill was not easily acknowledged,
^^intersting rhymes man... you have a knack for creative multis... and I like that... it brings a new look... instead of the same old rhyming dictionary crap you usually see....
Their memory's are hazy.. And all they've experienced was my sickness,
Thinkin its a disease.. Their brain needs some serious fitness,
But here I am now proving my worthiness at RB with God as my Witness,
Maybe they'll be able too see I'm original like starting a business,

Here I am now with my trend of originality I'm leading,
Not the first to do it but at least I notice skill when I'm reading,
My thoughts no longer dead like they suddenly stopped bleeding,
I'm going thru emotions fast like eating and I'm not even feeding,
^^this self riding theme... is getting tired at this point...

HooK ----> X2
Its hard to strive when motivation is missin,
Soon I'll be on 'top' when my spirits have 'risen',
That'll be when people realize they are what this isn't,
Then they'll start to ride my dick like bitches in prison,

aiight... not bad... I feel you on the topic... but you need to talk less about 'you' and more about the 'situation'... ya feel...

[Fresh]

Thanks for the honest feedback, and the crit... I'll take that shit into consideration next time...
Uppin.

[LOCALOG]

im a youngster/ with enough leriqual power to punk you/ encountering me is deadly/ ill take your head off with a frisbee/ localog is here to speak clearly/ show you what it was like to be me/ pondering wat back in history/ every school i attended droped me/ i transformed into this crazy mind/ over ruling everyone in my eyes/ i wasent ever the hated type/ i was the kid had the girls in line/ i was the first to smack your b*tch and call you a f*ggit/ your not my hommie/ you dont even know me/ ive been ell since i was breast feed/ ill put you on your death bed/ im a spong/ rappin to much because im sp*n/ these drugs have got me gone/ im the sickest/ turn you into another stistic/ this aint even a diss trask/ this is more like a threat/ cant duck it f*ck it/ leave you in the closet with the door taped shout b*tch