love I crave - First love..Twisty Piece

[Trahedy Siphon]

She’s the love I crave……



She’s the love among my art, the light for all to see
As the night sets in, she then holds a light in me
Keeps my ideas flowing onto my page, the way I feel?
My love written in the form of Rhythm poetry, Only real

From the first day met, She treated me with respect
She’d love me, and for that, I’m bound to risk my neck
There from when I realised at around 14 years of age
I found for the rest of my days, she’d be the one I craved
There all the while I jot my pain and love down on paper
Always behind me urging me along, supporting my labour
Like a saviour, she heals my open aching wounds shut
My heart aches for the energetic burning untamed love
Listen to the music of my youth, always there at my side…
Always she resides, In the deepest depths of my mind
Take it in my stride, love her til my heart and lungs stop
Talking of my first love, My one passion, Hip-Hop….

She’s the love among my art, the light for all to see
As the night sets in, she then holds a light in me
Keeps my ideas flowing onto my page, the way I feel?
My love written in the form of Rhythm poetry, Only real

[Neruda II]

heh, its been done buddy, but still a good poem none the less. I had a feeling this was going to be about hip hop from the begining but wasnt sure. Well you pulled it off well.

Technical. Emotion was there, and it stood out well, it was strong the whole way through. I liked all the metaphors and similes, it was a touching feature to the piece. Its rare to see poets use metas these days but your obviously skilled in it, im glad to see that. Structure was good, very even lines all the way through. The way you structured your poem is my personal favorite, it makes it harder to read poems when structured awkard, but its all good. Rhyme scheme was great, it was persistant the whole way through. Rhymes, although there, were very used, and a couple of new words would have been great. I would have gotten bored of this poem because of the bland rhyme scheme but the metas kept me reading, I liked that alot. Good poem man, used topic, but still great to use. keep writing man, you still need just a lil bit of elevation, but you very talented.

-Kid-

[SpooQ]

^^^^ yo that shit is hott.. real deep.. you have a lot of talent... ever been published?

[prophacyz]

^y u keep postin tha same stuf?

[Trahedy Siphon]

thanx for the feedbak..
& I've neveer been published