..."Born","Sold" And "Lost"...

[Key Tone]

This reflects all the struggless from taking away from our precious land and sold to whitemans...slavery....

Born is the word.


I was born before my date of birth,
Wrath be on those who obscure the truth.
Those who make us in childhood believe,
that throaght-slitting was the pain-relief,
that shipping-us at night in hostile sea,
I'm remeniscent my brother,
of morally wounded ancestors,
of fathers and brothers sold as trophies,
by their kings to whiteman's indecency,
I feel the same pain and sorrow.
I feel strainded and chained and hallow.
Life was and is now hard my brother.
Visualize with me, witness the Afrikan soil,
with crops lay waste un-harvested,
fields spread miles un-ploughed.


I am re-living the same history,
efficently replaced by man-made depenency,
decolonised AFRICA now faces modern slavery,
globalization is misery in disguise.
The mystery is, as a matter of fact,
do we need this hypocracy?
crowed by the ill-fated democracy.
just like a video tape.
I witnessed as dignity got raped,
equality disdained, true beingness revealed,
pride raked day-light destroyed,and concealed,


History repeats itself,
mystery invites itself,
And Day and night I defend myself.....

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...24#post1265424

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...27#post1265427

Leave feedback....links ....

[Endiphrent]

This was an ok piece..

I could relate to a certain extent..
The content was ok, flow was good..
Wordplay and vocab was average as well as the structure..
Keep droppen'..

[*Diz~Mi$$le*]

rhymescheme was weak. flow was also hard to catch. seemed more like a poem than a verse. the topic was kinda played, but there's nothing wrong with speaking on the topic as long as you can do it well. the first line was nice "I was born before the date of my birth"..the rest didn't hold up too well though. this wasn't bad but you didn't do anything too creative with the topic.

[Key Tone]

Thnx for the feed both.

UPPUN.....

[~God Hand~]

assuming this was your first piece, it wasnt bad. the topic speaks truth for sure. but the vocab was choppy and like missle said the rhyme scheme was pretty erratic as was the flow. work on creating a more stable piece and youll elevate. keep on truckin

[Key Tone]

Thnx for the good feedback.

[The Beat Mod]

was an ok piece. I liked the concept...but the actual verses themself weren't that great though. Felt it could of been way better.

I saw signs of emotion...but you just didnt express yourself properly. You could of done way better in my personal opinion. Just work on expressing yourself with the use of words...and you'll be way better. My personal opinion.

[Key Tone]

I apreciate yo feed thnx

[Pair-A-Dyce]

Creative on the concept but it seems like your too focused on showing the emotion instead of writing with emotion, ya know? The content is all there, you jus gotta lear how to develop it with a better flow. keep on da up.