Winter to Spring: Memories (1st Poetry drop)

[Laureate]

Freshness in the air, aromo fills me with energy
Outside in short sleeves, small buds on the tree
Birds chirping, singing songs both of love and joy
I remember last year took so long to get warm
Spring showers, refreshing rainbows up in the sky
On my porch watching the leaves grow with time
Neighbor kids with squirt guns, no cares at all
People walking their dogs and rollerblading now
Grass wet with dew, and the last melting snow
Squirrels scrambling up trees and into their holes
Soothing wind on my face gives such tranquility
Winter turns to spring and my soul is set free

[Bloom.Quist]

Dope for a first piece. Really liked how you explained what u've been through. Good imagery. I would get it up on ure emotions tho. Overall it was really nice for a first poetry drop.

-holla if ya hear me

[Laureate]

feedback please?

[-Suspect-]

yea thats tight 4 your first piece....
its a lot better than i could do

[Laureate]

thanks...anymore....vet opinions maybe?

[Masahiko.]

this greeat.. i think this is better then your battles lol.. drop textceeing and be a poet.. you look more formal that way! lol..

this piece was good.. i loved the anticipation it gave me to wanna feel spring break lol well seriously it had a picture instilled in my brain.. every last detail too. it looked like i took a foto err somthing.. but seriously.. "The Softer Side of the Beast of I.J.L." this is good!

[Reeco]

wow, nice piece!!

you've potraid spring in a very nice way. its almost refreshin to see this type of work in the poetry forum. this was very good for ya first drop. flow was good as well as structure. it reminded me of spring very much and put a mental image in my head, which i think poetry should do!! this was a well rite piece for ya first. i'm lookin forward to hearing more from you 7.5/10

Fave line = Soothing wind on my face gives such tranquility
Winter turns to spring and my soul is set free

^last line was very powerfull.

pz

[Bounce]

What up lyric? Vet opinion? I guess I can tell you what I think, just my two cents anyway...

Nice to see you branching out some on RB, this is a good forum for you. I know you do good work in the elevted cypher threads, so it's only logical for you to post in here.

I liked you first poetic drop. I felt it was a bit rushed, might be more to do with the length. Or the fact that I wanted to read more. You used a simple structure, and good imagery, I just think you could have carried a bit longer. I can picture sitting there with you, but it's almost as if we are in a hurry to leave that scene. You presented this sruel seting, yet you did give us enough time to admire it the way you have. I think you forced a line ot two, but this was overall a really good first drop. I you have poetic abilty, I read your drops in my forum all the time. Most of all, you could have added a level of complexity to your structure, or even played with the vocab a bit. I liked the line about kids with water guns, it painted a picture in my mind. Kepp dropping and work on the structure just a littel. You know a tweak or two.

Respect

[Laureate]

Thanks guys....means a lot....I didn't wanna drop a real long peice in case it was crap...so I did a sort of trial...thanks for all you opinions...means a lot.

[nolonger]

man for your first peace this is dope,
you really hit on the topic and gave me that summer feeling lol,
na sweet structure neat and simple
so flow was nice nice vocab and overall a dope piece.............coo lyric

[Avenge]

Good drop...I was feeling the imagery...flow could be better but its poetry so it doesnt really matter as much...I liked this piece, it made me Happy!

btw....thanx for the feedback

[..:: SpOrTzDiScIpLe™::..]

good drop ...really feelin the rhymthem....good rhyme secence.......flow could be alittle batter but it was iight............i really liked it keep it up .....rate:
8/10

[Laureate]

Thanks everyone...uppin this

[shawty"B"]

nice peice for a first drop...the imagery was reel gud n makes you remember wat waitin for spring is like...

.........fav part........

Soothing wind on my face gives such tranquility
Winter turns to spring and my soul is set free

keep droppin
return tha favor..

....bless

[ekwal]

the imagery in this was so obvious and clean....mark of a great talent....this would be a piece stevie wonder would luv

drop another
peep deep