-Improvised Caskets-

[ShadowSystem]

Whats good, people?

Before I drop it...I just wanna introduce myself. I'm a soldier stationed in Kuwait outta Mannheim Germany. Love lyrics, but I'm new to this place...Lookin for some critique.
My style deviates...sometimes its ghetto, sometimes it's not. I like to keep it fluid, and for those of you who aren't rythmically inclined...it might be a lil hard 2 follow.
(This isn't a freestyle...somethin I put together a bit ago for a style taste)
Open your eyes for a second....

Small kidz fell in caskets, nicorette gum sellin tatics
attracted to being distracted by pictures of reenacted.
Mixtures of extracted fixtures with figures compacted,
rigors of mortem, post-boredom able to sort 'em...
Out of the court to short 'em, Lure 'em and reassure 'em.
Support the claims to cure 'em by pretending to endure 'em.
It's a war for sure and makin money is par,
no less than devil's cigar cutter and slicing through butter...
Knives to survive, and keeping wives weeping, melted to keep it seeping silently sleeping, violently sweeping.
Beneath the rugs of money spent keeping drugs off the street, it's complete misdirection from the goals of protection...
Section by section pieces of liberty fall, reduced to a crawl,
election boost seducing the wall, overproducing the sprawl,
and all the means to advertise, injecting the lies, fast infecting
Caskets improvise.


props
A gat on the back

[Mistral]

Welcome to RB...But you need to leave 2 links of replies that you left or this will get closed, Thanks.

[SMZ]

Flow was nice - first two lines especially - I guess it's nice the way you were able to keep flowing but it left some of the thoughts disjointed - I was able to understand your point of course but it just felt like there was stuff missing - a style preference I guess - whatever flows with you though - closer was good - hit something(s) in my sig if you get a chance.