~ 5 Haiku Feelings ~

[Bloom.Quist]

Didn't know what else to call it . But as i was competing in the haiku tourny it inspired me to write more. So here is some haikus about certain things i was thinkin bout.Critisism Plz. (If you didn't know Haiku is a type of poem where the structure is the first line has 5 syllables, the second like has 7, and the third like has 5 again. But im sure u knew that )

~ Silence ~
…Drenched in pure silence…
…Muted for eternity…
…Will my voice be heard?…

~ Emotion ~
…My wish is to cry…
…To truly feel emotions…
…Can I achieve this?…

~ Love ~
…Yearning for someone…
…To feel the same way I do…
…You are my true need…

~ Thought ~
…My mind will corrupt…
…What reason do we live for?…
…My thoughts have ended…

~ Death ~
…The end of my life…
…Will my legacy remain?…
…The clock has ended…

[Bloom.Quist]

Also a big thank you to V for setting up the haiku tourny. It has inspired me to write poetry in different ways.

[Neruda II]

well, theres nothing really to figure out in these poems so now the technical stuff.

5 haikus, all with a similar topic, good idea. props for that. Emotion was there in all of them, very strong actually. I think the emotion was one of the strongpoints of the poems. All of them were on topic and deep, which I find hard to do with haikus because of the limits. The vocabulary wasnt anything special, but still used well. Haikus have limits so using big vocab would have just made more boundries by taking up more syllables so i guess it doesnt really matter when using haikus. The structure was off sometimes, as in the syllables were off count sometimes. At least i think, im not a real pro at counting syllables, but to me it seems off. There was repition, alot of questions, just like one too many questions (know what i mean?) like it wasnt a big problem but it did bother me a tiny bit. Emotion was good, structure was off sometimes, vocab was well used, overall a very good example of using emotion to write haikus, but work on the structure a lil more. but hell, thats just my opinion.

-Kid-

[Bloom.Quist]

Thank you for the honest critisism. Appreciate it very much. My goal on writing this was to express topics that everyone could try to relate to.

The structure was off sometimes, as in the syllables were off count sometimes.

Hm...jsut counted them and it seems alright, but then again some words can have different syllables, because of different ways of pronunciation (<---spelledthat wrong )

Thank you for the honest critisism and feedback. I appreciate it.

[Dirty Sanchez]

i really enjoyed this. Five strong emotions in Such short but powerful poems. Excellent work. You should of added in betrayal...i woulda loved to see that. I thought the order you put these in were the order in which they would appear in real life...Starting with silence, which leads to the emotion of love which leads to the thought, ending it in the bittersweet agony of death...

nicely done..!!!

[Bounce]

Nice drop. Technically the strucutre was sound. The count was solid unlike previously mentioned. Syllable count was on point, some people seem to think you can have different way of counting , but that is incorrect. If you follow the rules of breaking down a word in to syllables, you can't go wrong, if you need reference consult a dictionary. Your drop however was fine. Nice use of haikus, this is technicallya senru (sp?) multiple haikus... Over all nice job, I would only try to add in some higher end vocab,(this can be accomplished without going over count) it just takes some concentration. Great way to elevate. Keep um dropping..

~Bounce~

[Bloom.Quist]

Yea next time imma up my vocab, and overall everything. Thx for the feed.

[Bloom.Quist]

Can i get some critisism on this please?

[mcBUtiful]

that was ill. you have a lot of talent. keep writing.

[Bloom.Quist]

Critisism plz...thank you for saying i have talent but no ones perfect, so i wanna get better. Critisism Plz.