diabolic actions

[demolish]

yo i bust on the mic like how you bust under the sheets/
for those that got beef you hear the thunder of my heat/
im makin lyrical remedies/
and reducin your physical energy/
my metaphores got you confused like chemistry/
yall tryin to get the best of me/
my actions are diabolic/
you dont make sense like the words of an alcholic/
touch me/
you dont want nuttin from me/
my punchlines swing like a pendulum/
emcees yeah, im bendin them/
have you readin my shit/
and your face end up lookin like this /
your like this but instead of drinkin water youll be sippin my piss/
my heat leaves yall wit nice dreams/
eat yall like tortilla with beans/
im takin out your mind to leave you brainless/
killed you so fast that it felt painless/
the levitation of these slugs leave you weightless/

this is just scetchy flow i thought of right now. gimme some feedback.

[Samuel Same Old]

yo son, you need to post more
this shit was dope
keep elevating tho
and get a real topic and try to add some multis and some metas and some commonsense to it
oterwise that its good..

[$carface]

u started with good vocab but towards the end it got very simple and dats why i wasnt really feelin dis dat much. keep writing u got to dig deeper dawg

[Freeman]

You need to post two links of reply to other people's pieces, or this will get closed by a mod.

Thank you.