Lies...

[Freeman]

When your white lies turn a darker colour
Escalating wildly and beginning to smother
No room to breathe let alone shout out
Like Pinocchio your nose jus starts to sprout out
The feasibilty of the lies are growing much taller
Rising out of my depth.. Far from gettin smaller
The art of deception designed to lead people astray
Sneaking around on tip toes.. Like people doing ballet
Excellent a decieving.. Stuck wiv a life long poker face
Silent disgrace.. Left with nobody to embrace
Family and friends leave.. No-one left to decieve
All alone in a cold world with pain to much to relieve
Looking for an alley.. Some way of getting away from the stares
Away from everyday wear and tear.. Leave to a life without any cares
Always made excuses.. Always been able to make a scapegoat
But now your life of lying has left you in the rain...
... Without a raincoat

[SMZ]

Nice work - thought it kept getting stronger as you went along. This:

Excellent a decieving.. Stuck wiv a life long poker face
Silent disgrace.. Left with nobody to embrace
Family and friends leave.. No-one left to decieve
All alone in a cold world with pain to much to relieve
was your best part as regards flow. This line:

"Away from everyday wear and tear.. Leave to a life without any cares"
seemed to have one to many rhymes - if you start upping the tempo you gotta be consistent. Can't jump to three rhymes in two lines and then fall back to one - It changes too quick. Good point made thruout - you supported it well. Liked:

"When your white lies turn a darker colour"
just for its content - thought your closer was nice too. Keep it up.

[Freeman]

Thanks for the comment...

Here are my links...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=117056

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...68#post1225568

Uppin...

Pz...

[Mistral]

I agree this was another nice piece man....I enjoyed this one as I did the other one I read today from you...You changed your structure in this one.....Had good vocab like you normally do...I liked the opening line it was nice I thought....the flow was good, stayed on point...Nice way to end it...Overall a nice piece, another good read.

[ELEETE]

Free once again.....come back strong.....your imagery as always dope an is what I like in your writing....dope once again....I can really relate to this piece...I've been in this situation plenty of times....dope free.....nice to have yoou back....dope.

[IllConceptz]

When your white lies turn a darker colour
Escalating wildly and beginning to smother
Nice imagery, I like that first line alot, and the second line means the same thing, but using a different metaphor... Nice.
No room to breathe let alone shout out
Like Pinocchio your nose jus starts to sprout out
This was decent, first line drops off from the last line with the same topic, interesting, the pinocchio line was a nice similie..
The feasibilty of the lies are growing much taller
Rising out of my depth.. Far from gettin smaller
Once again nice imagery here, and you vocabs nice too... Flow was nice..
The art of deception designed to lead people astray
Sneaking around on tip toes.. Like people doing ballet
Great bar, the first line basically sums up what lies are, but short and to the point, second line has a nice metaphor, cause liars are sneaky, but they dont sneak on they tip toes, they sneak wit they words... So thats a decent metaphor...
Excellent a decieving.. Stuck wiv a life long poker face
Silent disgrace.. Left with nobody to embrace
I really liked the poker line, and the second line is great, cause its true... and someone who was a liar who read it could get pissed off or something, nice work.
Family and friends leave.. No-one left to decieve
All alone in a cold world with pain to much to relieve
Decent bar, shows he was decieving his family, but his got no family left so thats what being a liar can leed too... His mental, emotional pain can not be relieved... Cause his family left him...
Looking for an alley.. Some way of getting away from the stares
Away from everyday wear and tear.. Leave to a life without any cares
Nice imagery, the alley as a place for him to be alone away from the stares, he wants to start life over again, so I'm guessing he learned his lesson and wants to be a better person, or hes just pissed of theres no one left to decieve...
Always made excuses.. Always been able to make a scapegoat
But now your life of lying has left you in the rain...
... Without a raincoat
This sums it up beautifully. left in the rain without a raincoat... That genious bro.. Thats my favourite line in this piece... Good job bro..

Nice piece... Very deep, and yet straight and too the point at the same time... I enjoyed the read man... keep at it.

Hit me back, thanks.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116907

Peace.

[Endeva.]

i liked how it was quite simple, the scheme but not over, it seemed to work nicely... sometimes overworking fucks it up.... but the length wasnt enough i thought.... you got quite alot in it, but more would have set it off, still what was there was pretty good.... with some nice imagery, decent flow blah blah... lol.... tight!

[Freeman]

Thanks for the breakdowns..

And the pointers on how to improve..

Uppin for more..

Pz..

[FreeThinker]

i liked this Freeman. A lot. There was something in this piece that brough complexity into a simple read... which amazed me. some of your metas were very dope indeed . I liked:

The art of deception designed to lead people astray
Sneaking around on tip toes.. Like people doing ballet

and a couple more as well. Hmmm not really much else to say. Nice flow , structure was ok .... but overall 8/10.... nice... keep doing it man!

Return the fev
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=117149

[Ron B. Vicious]

dope ass hell, lies, this was a perfect example of a good ass idea executed perfectly. orginal work dope as hell.

[lunatic]

dope nice piece it had a good flow to it